187.4 today, I'm having a woosh!! I'm really excited about that, but I am kinda sad about how it seems to be affecting other people. I know we've talked about this before, about how it's almost like when an alcoholic goes into recovery when we have a drastic weight loss. I'm really feeling that lately.
I have a friend who is very large and she always says bad things about her weight. Just a lot of fat talk and negative comments as jokes about herself. I think she is super bothered by the fact that I've lost so much weight. In January she asked me a bit about how I was doing it and even bought an exercise bike. I thought maybe we could starting working on it together and that I'd inspired her - but I didn't bug her about it or even consider that as any sort of condition of our friendship. I became her friend as she was, and I think she is beautiful the way she is. Well, I haven't heard from her in a week. She used to call me three out of five workdays on her long commute home and we'd chat for an hour or so. Last time I mentioned getting together with our hubbys for dinner out (I still do that often, and I don't make it weird for anyone else, I just have what I want and keep my portions small) - she said they had plans. It was the first time she'd ever done that without offering an alternative date. And, she hasn't 'liked' any of my FB stuff for a long time. I think I've been bragging about my progress too much on FB.
I'm going to stop doing that.
And my 18 yo daughter has been so moody around me lately - she keeps saying how it's weird that I'm smaller and how it's weird that I don't weigh so much more than her now. Meanwhile she's been complaining about being fat and how her pants don't fit well anymore - then buying donuts and ice cream. I know that I am responsible for this, since she learned a lot of her negative self talk and bad eating habits from me.
I have always told her positive things about herself like how beautiful and smart she is. I also told her that I've done this for health reasons rather than vanity. She IS beautiful and not very overweight - it is sad to see her so hard on herself. I feel like she is angry at me for losing, which feels really weird.
It's hard to keep the vanity out completely. I'm proud of what I have accomplished and it's sad to have to try to hide it because others are having a tough time with it.
I realize that I'm whining, but I figured I could safely do it here, if I can anywhere.