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Old 02-11-2014, 12:02 PM   #12
GreyMatter
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 6

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I don't know if depression is different for everyone. I know what you mean by not being able to gather enough stamina to do things, but not sure if I understand the depth of your particular experience. I've always had a low-grade depression that's worse at certain times. Sometimes it's harder to get out of bed, but I always find a way to do it. I don't know how it would be if I simply could not muster the strength at all.

The pacing is really mental, more than physical. I know it's "my space." If that makes any sense. It's like medication for me. I can kind of zone out, tune out everything and be safe. And for that reason, I enjoy it and the will to do it comes naturally. It propels me upward. Not many things propel me. But, if I know something is going to "fix" me, then I am motivated to try it. The most important thing for me is that I hate being "made" to do stuff. I have to be intrinsically motivated. The problem with depression is being weighted down by too many extrinsic motivations that only hurt in the long run. I ask myself a lot - Is there anything at all that *you* would like right now? Often, I don't have an answer. But, occasionally, I do. Stupid things like painting my nails or reading a book (which I don't like to do often enough either). If I can find that one tiny thing that brings me some modicum of happiness, I cling to it in the moment. It sometimes propels me to the next thing. Sometimes not. Pacing usually does.

Am I losing weight? Not really sure. I don't really weigh myself anymore as I found that to be too discouraging. I pay more attention to how I feel physically, what makes me feel bad, what makes me feel good, etc. I eat when stomach hungry and if I find myself eating for comfort, I attempt to use other measures whenever possible, but don't beat myself up if I eat for comfort. I feel thinner, if that matters. I care about myself more than my appearance, although I understand that appearance matters to a degree. But, the things that bring me *unnecessary and unhelpful* pain, I avoid, such as the scale, bad photos, tighter clothes, etc.

Last edited by GreyMatter : 02-11-2014 at 12:09 PM.
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