Originally Posted by sarahBell
Thank you soooo much!! I Needed this pep talk, really I did. our kids are 2 years old, 8 (almost 9 ) and 15 turning 16 in a few weeks.
I admit I am a door mat. I should not be. I really think I have done zero good by being a SAHM. My oldest son shows me and dh respect, when we ask him to do things it's Yes momma or ok baba.
He has his moments but overall he is a sweet heart, and he was by far the best baby out of the 3!!!
Ds #2 who is the ripe old age of 30 months tests his limits (like all 2 year olds) but is learning that he cannot just take and snatch things (like cell phones) and that he needs to ask first. Teaching a 2 year old to be patient is HARD. He has a strong will and personality............he put up a fight on things and does not back down!! He is also the most onrey one of the 3, we are trying to break him of his biting, hitting and screaming habits (oye vey that's hard!)
And then DD is one who thinks she needs to stand on a throne. I can honestly say I have never Ever seen anyone so arrogant in my life. This just kills me to even say that
She has this mentality that she is NOT responsible for her actions or bad grades. She will blame the teacher, the kid in front of her and ME and her brothers for her bad grades she got last semester. She is so worried about her that she will just get POed at the very idea that we expect her to act like a 16 year old and HELP around the house ( fold laundry, sweep the floors, empty and reload the dishwasher as needed). She has zero common sense I swear. With a 2 year old it can be daunting for me to keep the house picked up all the time (this is where the other 2 have chores to do) and I will simply ask her "can you help pick up" and she looks at me and asks "well what needs to be done" with the snotty tone!!!! WTH???!!! you can't see that shoes need to be put away, the toys in the living room need to be picked up, the bathroom needs a quick wipe down...............OMG really?!
As for punishments dh and I deal them out and stick by them (or try) DS #1 gets a punishment he does not argue he takes it and realizes that he messed up and is not a repeat offender of said action. BUT with DD she repeats the offense time after time with out learning anything.
DH has taken her little phone away (no smart phone for her at all), she is not allowed to play video games, use her DS, play computer games or go to the mall or store with me because of
#1 her poor grades, she had 2 B+s and 3 D's and 2 c's after finals last week. Which according to her it is MY fault she got those grades not hers.
Sorry to ramble...........if I can , may I pm you sometime, you have such sound level headed advice you are true gem in the world!
SarahBell..You absolutely can PM me ...any time. It is difficult to raise a difficult kid. I have been there...
Our #2 was nearly going to put me in an early grave...and it took me and hubby to tag team each other through her teen years. We rarely were both up for 100% intervention and handling issues at the same time! She was smarter than the two of us...together...ended up in an ivy league school..and also went on to law school...she could ARGUE!!!
No one does the parent thing 100% right...no matter what they say. It's just that we can't give up on our kids. Ever. And we have to remind each other of that. In spite of it all they are the best thing we do in this world... and we owe the world our best shot. Having other parents to talk to who have navigated the waters of raising difficult kids is a must. Getting a perspective when your head is upside down is necessary.
We need to love our kids enough to let them hate us though...sometimes more often and for longer than we'd like.
Here's a suggestion to get her attention that the world she has created for herself is nearly at the end.
Do you do her laundry?? Hmm..time to stop.COLD Turkey.
Couple things are going to happen..first off..that thing teen girls do where they try on everything they own before going anywhere..and don't hang it back up...? (goes on the floor..then in the laundry cause that's easier..mom will wash/iron etc and rehang...? ) Unh-uh...STOP! When she helps you...you help her. Wait til her clothes are all wrinkled and look like they were on the floor for a week..and OH YES..."you will be going to school..with or with out a wrinkled garment on your back...." Don't give in. You should
have her attention at that juncture. Don't raise your voice..even if she richochets off everything in the house!
The more noise she makes the softer you talk. Let her know for every transgression or attempt by her to rebel against and show disrespect, going forward there will be an appropriate follow up. If she swears and has tantrums....warn her the next outburst WILL result in you taking her phone away. She has to earn it back. Warn her of this first in a calm discussion in the 24 hrs following her 1st outburst. Perhaps out to lunch is a good time AND place. I found my daughter behaved better in public so I'd take her to a nice local restaurant where she was likely to enjoy being seen ...and behave. At that time explain the rules...If she forces your hand in this it is not going to be given back based on a few days of turnaround, and will be gone/disconnected. Having a phone is a privilege. And if she loses the phone due to her own inability to control her verbal skill set
...she is going to need to prove herself over a L-O-N-N-G time frame. Possibly a month or two. Every setback will start the clock over...and ask her if she feels she needs a counselor? Success with this depends on you having a few choice meaningful (to her) courses of action charted for yourself...You will not react with a knee jerk thought or action when she pulls your chain...and each scenario needs to be simple and straightforward, and tied to ONE behavior only. You will need to do this with each area she is rebelling and not assuming an adult posture on. Perhaps she does need counseling, so research it with your pediatrician or PCP...have a plan ready in case she tells you she would like to talk to someone. Oh...and do not let the counselor tell you/her...that you are wrong. I had to fire a counselor for that once. LOL..My daughter actually said..."I knew you were going to can him after the first week...." After that we didn't bother with the counselor. Later on someone told me having the kid see me do that probably was what straightened her out!!
Do PM me..we went a few long rounds with that kid of ours!!