Thread: IP Daily Chat
View Single Post
Old 01-24-2014, 10:40 AM   #22
65X65
Senior Member
 
65X65's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,318

S/C/G: 187+hi/177.7start IP/109/112.7

Height: 4'10"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahBell View Post
Well the last week has just sucked big time. Bad things happen in "3s".
First last week the kids broke my laptop (milk got spilled on it by little peanut)
Then my cell phone broke (the port for the charger is loose and no longer works) so I have been with out a phone for a week and will not get one until next Wed or Thursday (it is being replaced by the Geek Squad from sprint) so until then no phone which DD and little peanut are the culprits for it breaking. LIttle bug just snatches it when he climbs the counters to see what's up there and grabs it and the USB gets yanked out, AND dd never leaves it aloe all she wants to do is play games on it and grabs it when I try to charge it, she will snatch it up the second my back is turned and not let it charge!

AND in Feb. the kids and I were to accompany DH on his trip to Dallas. I was so looking forward to this. I have been in a funk for the past 3 weeks, I am just feeling blue (my theory is SAD). And someone threw a wrench into this trip which he had the go ahead from the Sr. Global director to bring us along. Said dir. goes on vaca after giving the approval for expenses per employee, then dh's manager undermines said Dir. cutting the approved budget in HALF and having DH share a rental car with the only other employee who is going!!!! I was looking forward to 8 days of no Artic weather, the possibility to get outside (even 30 degrees is balmy for me!) so um yeah.

I finally got to Sams yesterday to get my EAS shakes!!! The kids had no school yesterday and out early Wed due to the extreme cold and ground blizzard warnings!!!

I had my WI in today and I am amazingly down 1.6 lbs some how some way.

OUr annv. is Feb 5th and I found Dhs gift and I need to get it a couple of days before. So I hope things get better.

Today the temp is going to be 32 and sunny!!! I am taking little peanut out for a short walk with him on the sled- IF the wind is not blowing!
Sarah Bell.. First...a hug

Next- Some tough love. Maybe stop reading now. if you would rather just have a place to vent, I respect that.

It's easy for any and everyone to have parenting and relationship advice for us. When my kids were babies/toddlers, an older woman in my life, (not my mother) gave me some very generic rules to live by. As my family grew and the kids got older, the rules still worked...and as adults dealing in an adult world...yep..they for the most part still have traction! It was the best 1:1 chat I ever had with a woman at that stage of my life. So I speak from experience...and having been the recipient of this same chat myself.

1. If you don't respect yourself and what you need and insist on that for what belongs to you, don't expect anyone else to automatically give it.
2. It 's alright to have personal limits on what you will tolerate.
3. It is alright to let others (kids esp) know they are at or past the tolerance limit when/if it happens.
4. If it is necessary to react somehow to a bad situation esp with your older children, it is important to make the punishment fit the crime. Taking a moment to think about how you will respond or react is often going to work well. They will learn that it is NOT over in the first 5 minutes ...and to expect you to reflect on their bad behavior when they are older. Squirming for older kids is good thing. Very good thing.
5. Your time is more important and worth more than that of your kids.

#4 and 5 were really really important when my kids were teens.

Example of #4..
You forget your gym clothes/lunch /homework...and I have to leave work..go home and get it and bring it to you...and that fiasco costs me 1.5 hrs to fix and did not endear me to my boss, I will do it ! I'm your mom....BUT......you owe me 3 hrs...and I get to pick what and when you will spend the time doing whatever I decide. I did not get too many calls like this because they knew ...I was not their "get outta jail free card..."
One though time when my daughter called about a forgotten gym suit...I could safely deduce she was more afraid of the gym teacher than she was of me...AND darn the garage looked good when she paid me back!!!

Example #5..

Other daughter was a door slammer when she was upset with us. We told her calmly if she slammed another door we would take her bedroom door off the frame and then there would be no door to slam.
Yes..she slammed it again...once.
But never again after that.
There was little discussion of this. My husband just went and got a screwdriver....I think I probably could have done this alone if he had not been home tho'...
Every family is different, but it comes down to #1. Respecting each other and feeling it is OK to expect AND get that respect. Even the 2 year old can begin to learn when he does not meet your expectations. There should be a gentle consistent consequence for that and buzz words he understands. 2 Year olds get it all. They really really do. Straight out Pow-wow time with the older kids though. ASAP- Take them to a burger joint and lay it out calmly.. Key is you must deliver...and be consistent. Once they recognize you have hit the wall and they can figure out there will be consequences for unacceptable or disrespectful behavior.... all bets are off. Spend some time thinking about what gets their attention...and remain calm. Stick to the plan if you need to implement...(which you will).

By the same token...recognizing respect and attempts to function responsibly should be treated, recognized and respected in turn as they approach becoming as an adult. Lunch out with JUST you and daughter...at a nicer place you would never dream of taking the 2 yr old. And hire a babysitter occasionally so you get that 1:1 with the older kids and/or husband. If the babysitter cost blows the budget... there are free things in nearly every community you can spend 2 hrs doing. Fix a nice lunch at home for the two of you...but still have a sitter take the 2 yr old to the park!!! But do it. When they see you taking the time and seeing how positively you benefit from it...they are likely to understand and try as well.

But you DO get to drive the respect bus...they're the passengers. Actually it is probably your job...(You know... the one you're not paid enough for!!!)

I hope you take this in a positive light. If you can not get mental organization to your day you are going to continue to struggle. Every person has daily challenges. Some days the obstacles are more and bigger than others...but every single person on this forum has "stuff" to deal with Almost every day. The difference over the long haul is how it's done...not that it's easier. Over the long term, we control how we react to stress, food, people and whatever life throws our way. And many days..it is not easy.

We are all rooting for you. You've got the keys though...

Last edited by 65X65 : 01-24-2014 at 10:49 AM.
65X65 is offline