I don't understand this behavior, any help?
I'll start by saying that I've had some success recently. I was working a new job at a department store where I was very active, constantly running back and forth clearing out fitting rooms. Also I had read the book "Eat, Stop, Eat" and had been fasting on and off for awhile. This job really helped because I was so busy that it made it very easy to commit on my fast days and not think about food. The scale was steadily moving down and over about two months time I lost 10 pounds! I was feeling great, very proud of myself and content with my progress. It was an additional ego boost that a very attractive guy at work was crushing on me.....silly maybe, but flattering!
Well, once the holiday season ended I was laid off. Initially I was down about it, but that only lasted a day or two. My attitude is good. But this all happened at the same time as I had a lot of family visiting, so there was no shortage of bad food around. The shock of being laid off coupled with carefree social eating and more time on my hands was NOT A GOOD THING. I gained back 5 of the pounds I lost!
Now I'm feeling really confused. I want to write out a schedule of exercise and fasting days, but I feel like it's useless because for some reason I have this really bizarre behavior of rebelling against myself. When I make good plans that I know are for the best and will make me happy, it's almost like an evil side of me has to break the rules. What is this about?! It's driving me crazy!!! Why would anyone want to rebel against THEMSELVES??? But it happens. Over and over again. I wake up in the morning with a fresh start ahead of me, then go into the kitchen and immediately eat a brownie that my roommates left out from the night before. I don't even try to stop myself, it's like I have this ridiculously cavalier attitude and I don't even care. But at the same time, I DO CARE!
I think if I could understand this behavior I could make more progress and get back on track. Can anyone help? Thanks a bunch in advance!