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Old 12-02-2013, 02:08 PM   #15
pamatga
FINISH WHAT YOU START!
 
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Cumming, GA
Posts: 1,348

S/C/G: 301.8/245.8/135 HW/CW/GW

Height: 5'6.5"

Smile Day Fifteen-Monitor Your Eating

Day Fifteen-Monitor Your Eating: Now, in the pink book, this is the point where Dr. Beck feels that all of the prep days leading up to this day allows you to start your food plan and exercise program along with the skills she has shared thus far. Well, since I wanted to have an "OP" Thanksgiving, I jumped the gun and started last Monday along with counting my points.

As I shared yesterday, I have been logging every day this past year. It is a habit that I began in June 2010 and although I have ceased doing it for as long as six months at a time, I always return to it. I save all of them on a zip drive. What I am going to do with them, I have no idea, but I have them. My initial rationale is different than Dr. Beck's. I am a recovering food addict and one hallmark character defect of mine is denial and lying to myself about "what, when and how much I eat" so in order to work on that particular defect of mine I log every single bite that I eat. I measure everything. I always and only measure one single serving. I want my stomach, eyes and mouth to know what a single serving of any and everything is.

I put it on a "normal" dinner plate (this goes against conventional weight loss wisdom- large vs small plates) because my rationale is that not every place I will eat at will have the option of a smaller plate and short of bringing my own, I feel that it is absolutely necessary that I know visually what food looks on a regular sized plate. This is immensely helpful in restaurant or social gatherings.

This may sound extreme to many of you but it is something that has allowed me to go from 301.8 lbs to my present weight and although I have had a rocky six months prior to rejoining this group, I continued monitoring my food even though I wasn't on plan the majority of the time. If it went into my mouth, it got noted on my daily meal plan. If I had a binge, every bit of it got logged. I was not going to put my head in the sand and ignore what was going on. I liken it to watching someone you love suffering and you feel helpless to ease their pain. I have learned also to love "that person" (me) and although I was suffering emotionally I never lost my love and respect for "that person" (me).

So, I want to say that I am grateful and at peace that I have picked back up consciously this BDS. I did not realize that I had been practicing some of the skills. I feel lead to be here. I am grateful that I listened to that small inner voice to admit that there "is a better way" and here it is.

Do I get tired of doing some of this stuff? Yes, I do! Will I stop? No, not if I can help it. I realize that each and every one of us has a different personal history with food so some of this may resonant and some may not. For me, this is not just a number on the scale but I was food-oriented for half of my adult life so I have a lot of underlying issues that come to surface once I am not eating to cover them up.

My life is still the same struggles that I have been going through the past six months but I am working both my OA program as well as using the BDS to move through them until they get straightened out. That is the difference between today and back then.

CeeJay Good Job on being OP for four days. You can do it!

seadwaters Great Job on getting your personal goal of 5000 steps in.

BBE I took dance during my childhood and youth. I miss dancing but with the need of two new knees on the horizon my only outlet is vicariously watching DWTS. I applaud you taking dancing lessons. I have held this over my DH that once I get my new knees, he is coming along. He is afraid of making a spectacle of himself as a non-dancer but he does watch DWTS with me. I love him for that.

Joy(gardenerjoy): Congrats on making your November exercise goal.

ForMyGirls: I only shared about my struggles with perfectionism because that is one character defect that I have been working on for some time. My DH is the same way so you can only imagine our household at times. Lots of discussions on how to do things from time to time. Thank you, Joy, for sharing what works for you. I agree that our bodies can sometimes be strange creatures where what we think works doesn't and what does work, we didn't think would.

I will continue to be a part of this streak challenge because it also does double-duty in forcing me to do what I can over and over again; it is building on daily successes "one meal at a time and one day at a time" which is clearly on my own personal radar.

I can add one more point to my first seven days so my weekly count for Monday-Sunday is 7 pts for food plan and 6 pts for working out. 13 pts for Week 1. Although I had regained a couple of pounds the week prior to that; I managed to lose overall 4.2 lbs. since last Monday when I began actively staying OP as well as working out.

Granted, this is water weight but what is even nicer is that I feel like I am personally back "on track". My "fat head" is under my thumb. That makes it a winning week for me! No yo-yo up and downs now that I am actively practicing BDS.

Hope everyone else who is reading or checking in has a great day as well.

Take care, Pam

Last edited by pamatga : 12-02-2013 at 02:15 PM.
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