Originally Posted by ShelBl
I was fat when I met my husband, I was fat when he married me, and I'm still fat 7 years into the marriage.
If you're looking for men that will notice you based on your BMI, you're either looking at the wrong kind of men or not looking at other aspects of yourself closely enough.
To suggest that any of us have to reach a certain BMI before we're considered attractive is insulting. I've seen plenty of women on here that are beautiful, period. To suggest otherwise sells us, and yourself, short.
Me too. I was at my largest when my husband went from being a friend to telling me "I'm interested in you romantically and don't want to lose you". I was shocked and denied for a long time. I had acted just as myself because I sure didn't see me as attractive or anyone someone like him would be interested in as he was fit and I was FLAB at 242 lbs. It took me quite a lot of time to accept that he could be attracted to me and to even trust him, thinking I might be a "rebound". Turned out, no.
I was atleast 220 lbs when we married. I was the one that was upset about my size, he never ever was. I wanted to postpone our wedding until I felt happy with myself and secure. He didn't want to wait.
I have to say also that from my experience, even when I was at this heaviest weight, I had men make "advances" they were looking for sex, didn't care what size the woman was. They weren't looking for a relationship, but it didn't bother them what size I was. I remember one saying as a compliment I was a nice person, always smiling, and always "looked clean" and that the right man might tone me up.
I remember thinking well that man isn't you..quickly left. I've heard from lots of women that a great deal of men don't really care what you look like size wise to have sex with you, relationship wise, maybe. But, I wasn't going to get involved with anyone that made me feel bad about myself.
I didn't loose the weight to make my husband happy, he never ever asked me to drop weight, never made me feel bad or said little comments, and he was always physically all over me no matter what size I was. He also was very sensitive to my feelings, he knew I didn't like myself and he would pull the blanket up during intimate times cause he could feel me flinch.
I remember one time when we were first married he kissed me all over telling me he loved me, when he got ot my stomach I pulled my hands over myself, he gently pulled them away and said that he loved every single inch of me and he always just saw the beautiful woman he loved when he looked at me.
My husband taught me never to devalue myself, and not to "settle". I never thought I'd ever meet anyone that loved me so completely after having a 15 year marriage end. My X had told me I had unrealistic expectations. My husband has always treated me with respect, affection, and shows me daily he values me emotionally and physically. Don't settle for someone, or any relationship, that doesn't fulfill you or that makes you feel bad for yourself. Don't ever put up with being put down by any partner..I stayed in a bad marriage emotionally and physically for years.
I still got stares as a large woman that made me uncomfortable, but they generally seemed to be more at my chest than my face if you know what I mean. Men are men.
I did learn from my husband that it is the confidence that is the main thing. It wasn't that I was sexier thinner, it was that I was more confident and out going, felt better about myself as I got thinner, didn't hide myself and was more open as the pounds came off..that's what my husband loves.