Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitcherella
I have been through a very similar situation. I think I understand what you are going through. You had been expecting this (so did I) and I am guessing you have already said your goodbyes to this person and made your peace. I had. I didn't get the chance to attend the funeral. In retrospect, I believe that was a good thing. I attended a memorial 40 days later and it was hard as ****. Had I been alone, it would have been worse.
As for feeling guilty, don't.
The definition of guilt - a bad feeling caused by knowing or thinking that you have done something bad or wrong. Nothing like that applies to you. You are doing neither bad nor wrong.
My thoughts are with you.
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Yes, I made peace with him in the last few phone conversations.
I feel that going to the funeral alone (I have nobody to go with me) would be too hard so I decided against it. My mental stability is at stake. I no longer feel heavy guilt because I've had almost a week to think about it. I think he would understand since he knew my issues with PTSD after my Mom died. I will try to just hang on to the good memories of our friendship and forget the bad things he did to me while under the influence. I don't want to see him that way, I'd rather remember him alive.
It's sad but it's a path he refused to stop walking. We all tried very hard for many years to help him. At least now he is free from his addiction that haunted him on a daily basis.
Thank you for the understanding post.