[Scarlett]

I just relocated to a new city last August. I moved to complete a supervised practice program which will allow me to earn a credential sometime next September/October. At this point I will finally be DONE with everything and be employable with a real salary in the real world (job prospects are good). I also turned 27 last August. I spent the last year and a half in a frenzy finishing graduate school while working and living at home. During this time I felt stressed beyond belief and my weight crept up to 250. I’m currently down around 225-230.

I envisioned my time in this new city spent working on my weight and excelling in my program. I wanted to be down a bunch by the time I start interviewing for jobs in October 2014. Unfortunately my financial situation is much much worse than I originally envisioned. I spend 40-60 hours per week on my program and need to work 24 hours per week on top of that to pay the bills. Family support (emotional and financial) has been minimal and I feel like there is no safety net. Even with working, I cut things way closer than I want to. I’m in full blown survival mode. Long story short, my weight loss ambitions have fallen by the wayside. I’m trying to loose a little bit slowly but I’ve mostly just maintained.

I want to get married and have children. I really haven’t dated AT ALL in the last 3 years (sans a few make out sessions). This is mostly because I’ve been so busy straightening out my career. I do not feel comfortable dating at my current size. I worry that I will finish my program next year at age 28 then need to spend a year getting in shape to start dating. Then try to get back in the dating pool at age 29. I will also owe massive student loans. In short I look at everything I want to accomplish by my early 30s and it feels like there is just not enough time. I’m not exactly 35 and ticking but I can feel my 30s quickly approaching.

[goldengirlamy]

I think you should keep doing what you are doing. If a man is intimidated by your success then he isnt worth you because you are successful and wonderful! And your size should not be a barrier to anything in your life but sometimes it is unfortunately. Keep up your healthy habits and let love come to you!

[cormandy62442]

Yes, yes, and yes!! I'm a late bloomer... I didn't finish college until I was 26 and just recently (6 months ago) started a job in my career field. I'll be 29 at the end of this month. I had a lot of fun in my 20s but I definitely didn't get half the things accomplished that I wanted to get accomplished. But I think my 30s will be better. We're still young! And I agree with goldengirlamy, you shouldn't let your size determine anything you do! I need to tell myself that often and I still don't believe it sometimes. You've accomplished a lot, if you keep up with your healthy habits and find more ways to squeeze another healthy habit in here and there you'll get there. And your forum family is always here to help!

[blackinkstyle]

My life is nowhere near where I thought it would be 5 or 10 years ago. I'm only 25, but I feel like I'm so far behind when it comes to my career, education... basically everything. What you have to remember is that you are one of many in this situation. Between working moms, students who work full time to afford school part time, and all the other not-so-traditional path walkers, you'd be hard pressed to find many people at all who get things done right on schedule.

And as for dating, don't let your size hold you back! I was just shy of 300lbs when I met my boyfriend.... He's tall, slim, handsome as can be, smart, talented, goes to the gym a few times a week... And never once has he made any insinuation that my size is an issue. Sure, dating can be a lot harder when you're heavy, but there are good, decent men out there who will love you as is. Don't think for a second that you have to lower your standards just because you're not a size 4. Besides, I think it's better to find a man who likes you at your worst, who finds you attractive even at your heaviest, because it shows that he's not shallow and can see you for who you really are.

[Scarlett]

Thanks for the support guys

Seeing my thoughts typed out on the screen provided something of an aha moment. My current situation is not working. I researched additional student loan options and decided to apply for federal grad plus loans for next semester to get me though to October. These loans are designed for grad students with a credit history who need more than Stafford Loans to pay the bills. It seems to fit my situation. I have near panic attacks about money and feel stressed all the time. My work/money concerns negatively affect my program progress. I feel afraid to spend money on anything. I plan to keep my current job but work less hours. I don't want to take out additional loans but believe it is necessary. I thought I would need to take out private loans to get more money. It was a relief to find a viable federal option. I hope to buy some nicer clothes for rotations and make stressing less a focus. I also plan to get serious about loosing at least a little weight over the next few months.

As for dating. I’m not going to seriously put myself out there until I finish my program (or at least get within 2-3 months of the end). My program keeps me super busy and consumes most of my energy. If someone comes along before then, great. I do need to work on my perfectionist thinking. I cant wait for everything in my life to be perfect before I get back in the game.

[SMSDREAMER2007]

Originally Posted by Scarlett

Thanks for the support guys

Seeing my thoughts typed out on the screen provided something of an aha moment. My current situation is not working. I researched additional student loan options and decided to apply for federal grad plus loans for next semester to get me though to October. These loans are designed for grad students with a credit history who need more than Stafford Loans to pay the bills. It seems to fit my situation. I have near panic attacks about money and feel stressed all the time. My work/money concerns negatively affect my program progress. I feel afraid to spend money on anything. I plan to keep my current job but work less hours. I don't want to take out additional loans but believe it is necessary. I thought I would need to take out private loans to get more money. It was a relief to find a viable federal option. I hope to buy some nicer clothes for rotations and make stressing less a focus. I also plan to get serious about loosing at least a little weight over the next few months.

As for dating. I’m not going to seriously put myself out there until I finish my program (or at least get within 2-3 months of the end). My program keeps me super busy and consumes most of my energy. If someone comes along before then, great. I do need to work on my perfectionist thinking. I cant wait for everything in my life to be perfect before I get back in the game.

Wish we had like buttons on here....

[merilung]

Totally feeling it, but in the exact opposite way that you are! I've been married for six years and with my husband for 10, and I always assumed I'd be a young mom and do all the school/career things later when the kids were a wee bit older - I thought I'd have four or more kids and be done by now! Then infertility got in the way of that plan and now at 26 I've decided that I just can't wait any longer to pursue some of my own non-family goals. I won't graduate with my bachelor's degree until I'm at least 31, so now I'm looking at (possibly, hopefully) having kids and being a working student at the same time.

[Scarlett]

SMSDREAMER2007 Thank You. I've really felt a lot of relief since I made this decision.

merilung I find your perspective interesting. Even though you're married it's a very similar situation. Both sides have their pitfalls.


I think it's just generally tough to be in this age group. We were the first round of Millennials to have to deal with the current economy. It just felt like the rules got changed in the middle of things. We have older friends who started their careers right before the economy turned, and it's tough to compare yourself to them. It just leaves you a bit behind where you thought you would be at this point in time. At least the current generation going into school knows that careers may not be be rosy when they get out and can plan accordingly.

[SMSDREAMER2007]

I totally agree scarlett. Im close to getting my bachelors but im seriously worried about employment after that. Student loans suck!!

[fillupthesky]

I just turned thirty, so I might have no business being here , but thought I would share my thoughts.

When I was in grad school, I went part time for 2 years, then my last year was full time. I quit my job (had to work at least 24hours/week and I had classes and internship), and did some tutoring on the side. I also took out more loans for "survival" money. I need it, and I wasn't going to kill myself trying to do it all. And yes, student loans SUCK SO BAD, but I don't regret it.

Also, I find that things just fell into place after a while for me. I had my share of struggles (laid off my first job in a new city, bad relationship, moved to California with no money) though I eventually stabilized. I have a job in my field, in a solid relationship, and have made some great friends in California. I've heard this from friends who are well into their 30's that your 20's are crazy and frantic, uncertain, about getting to a goal, and that things stabilize more in your 30's. This may be a gross generalization, but I can relate to it.

As far as dating, I never really "looked", though if I met someone who seemed cool, I'd go out with them. I get shy and awkward when dating, due to my own insecurities. Then I thing to myself, that they wouldn't have asked me to go out if they didn't find my attractive.

And you are definitely right- this is not the generation where we were all able to move out at 18, get jobs, and never look back...it's a different world.

[souvenirdarling]

Part of me is terrified to bring these bad habits into my 30s. I feel you completely.

[DrivenByAmbition]

I am feeling the crunch... I got married at 23 and was divorced at 26. I'm 27 and engaged (yeah, I know, but he is the love of my life). So I had all the hopes of children and settling in my career, starting at 23, but this year has been the defining year. I am now settled in the area where my fiance and I will build our life. I may be 30 before starting to have a child.

What I am getting at, is there is still time.

[Scarlett]

I enjoyed reading the perspective of someone in their early thirties. When thinking of how much progress I made in the last 2 years, it is difficult to feel all that down about the future. On my 25th birthday, dateless, unemployed for several months, and living at home, I attended a wedding with many friends from college. Needless to say, I felt humbled and behind in life. Since then, I got a job (not a “real” job but one related to my career goals), I earned my MS, gained acceptance to a competitive credentialing program, and relocated to a new city. My circumstances appeared hopeless at 25 but where I am now is pretty close to best case scenario from 2 years ago (careerwise at least). It’s really nice to hear that the hard work pays off and that things will likely fall into place in my thirties. Sometimes it feels like the finish line keeps getting pushed back and I will never actually make a real salary. It is comforting to know that it will get better.

[shantroy]

I just turned 30 2 weeks ago. You're not far behind.

At 27, I quit my job, broke up with my long term bf, and applied to grad school. I can't lie I was terrified of being 27, single, and a student. But it was so worth it.

I finished my masters in May, took the summer off to travel, and started my dream job in August. Life couldn't be better. I may not be in a relationship, and my life isn't what I thought it would be at 30, but you know what? My life is better than I ever could of have dreamed of.


I probably won't have kids until I'm 35 or 36, but all I think of it as more time to spend focused on me and sucking every last wonderful moment out of my 30s. Between 29 & 30, my life just kinda fell into place. I wake up every morning happier than I ever thought possible. I'm surrounded by great friends, I've travelled, I'm have job in my field that challenges me everyday. I wouldn't change a second of the last 3 years for a long term relationship or a significant other. I'm thrilled with my life and am exactly where I need to be.

[makebelieve]

Glad I'm not the only one. I'm only 25 but I feel so overwhelmed and behind all the time. The majority of people I went to HS and college with are married and/or have children. My mom had me when she was 25, I couldn't have a kid at this point, I can hardly handle taking care of myself! I don't know how people do it.

I want to be a mom badly and I'm scared of waiting too long and not being able to have any.

I also want to go back to grad school but I just can't do it financially right now. I'm still living at home, I don't pay rent but pay for my own food & for all other things that are actually mine (my car, phone, food, etc.) & my student loans and I basically break even every month. I don't know how I'll ever move out or save up for anything.

I'd really like to at least get my schooling/career straightened out by the time I turn 30 but I don't know.