Bedroom body issues - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

blackinkstyle · 10-19-2013, 06:40 PM

Hey ladies. I've got a bit of a conundrum and I'd like to pick your brains.

I hate pants. In fact, I have not owned a pair of pants in over 2 years. I'm a dress kinda gal and i like it that way. So does my boyfriend of 7 months, although he has a small contention with my dress enthusiasm; I wear them all the time. Summer, winter, day, night, to work, out to dinner, to bed, and yes, during bedroom time. He generally doesn't have a problem with this, except for the last situation.

Over the course of our relationship, he has made several attempts to leave the dress.on the floor, all to no avail. There was one drunken night when he managed to remove it, but I got very angry and there was an abrupt stop to our nighttime activities. He usually tends to deal with it, but every once in a while it gets brought up again. He makes these wild claims about beauty and trust and wanting me to be comfortable with him. I've told him that it's an issue that involves only me and has nothing to do with his opinions, only my own.

This man has seen every inch of my body, just never all at once. He's brought up co-ed showers and sometimes pushes just a little too hard to get that dress off, and it tends to kill the mood completely. I am just not comfortable with myself. Although I have no doubt in my mind that it would not shock, disgust, or push him away, i just can't quite do it. I won't even leave my bathroom in the morning until I'm fully dressed, whethe he is here or not. It leaves us both frustrated... Me because its a very touchy subject and he knows this, and him because he doesn't understand why I'm not comfortable with him.

So, has anyone else dealt with an issue akin to mine? How did you handle it? How do I either make him understand that it is purely an internal issue, or better yet, how do i convince myself to just take the plunge and let the dress fall where it may?

alaskanlaughter · 10-19-2013, 07:55 PM

if I was in that situation I would try to ease myself into it....like maybe going all-naked with the lights off without the expectation of having sex...maybe just showing yourself that way, in the dark, without the pressure of anything having to happen...and gradually increase the light ...I would do something like that myself and I've done similar to that in terms of other fears not related to my body

CanadianCutie · 10-19-2013, 08:32 PM

How about making the change from the dress in bed to a sexy chemise, or babydoll, or other sexy lingerie. That way you're not completely exposed, and he gets to see a little something (men tend to be visual).

alicrimson88 · 10-19-2013, 11:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CanadianCutie

How about making the change from the dress in bed to a sexy chemise, or babydoll, or other sexy lingerie. That way you're not completely exposed, and he gets to see a little something (men tend to be visual).

This. It doesn't even have to be super sexy. I'm a nightgown queen. I adore them. I have several that I rotate that are from several different stores, but I know Victoria's Secret carries them in super soft cotton. They tend to be longer and have some lace and spaghetti straps to make them cute and non-mumu ish.

blackinkstyle · 10-20-2013, 03:26 PM

Thanks for the suggestions, ladies. All of our activities happen with the lights off, which doesn't make much sense when you consider that we sometimes have a little daytime fun... I've toyed with the idea of lingerie. I've even had him look at it with me and pick out what he likes. I just haven't reached the point to actually buy it yet. He does have his favorites from my wardrobe, and all the 'important' bits tend to make a regular appearance... He just wants it off completely. I think at this point, it's beyond a sexual request - he really just wants me to be comfortable with him and with myself, and he gets frustrated when I can't make myself do it.

Riestrella · 10-21-2013, 05:48 AM

I think you need to put yourself in your boyfriends shoes here. He clearly cares about you and is attracted to you, he wants you to be comfortable enough around him so you will not feel panicked when he tries to undress you. Being naked is terrifying and exhilarating all at once, he wants to experience something special with you. But you push him away and put up a wall when he tries to tell you how he feels. He wants you to let him in so he can make you feel beautiful and you're not letting him. If I'm honest I feel sorry for him, I would be frustrated and hurt if I was in his shoes.

I know that confidence issues can do a lot of things, but sometimes you've just got to be brave and face your fears. YOU have to be the one to take the dress off. Him making his move to take it off obviously leaves you panicked, so you need to step up and just do it yourself. It'll be hard and you might not like it at first, but I bet you will wonder what stopped you when you do it. He'll probably be so happy that you did it, it will communicate to him that you trust him and care for him. It will also liberate you from your safety blanket.

You are who you are, I feel like you're using the dress to hide. Accept your body for what it is and don't worry about anything else. If you're on this forum then you're here to lose weight, so even if you're not happy with how you look now then so what? You know you'll look different soon enough. I know that's how I think when I have a day where I feel like I look fat.

helwa588 · 10-21-2013, 11:04 AM

You should be grateful to have a guy who wants to see you naked. Not all of us plus size ladies are so fortunate. Some of us can't even get a guy.

you should do what makes you comfortable but at the same time you pushing your guy away is the most unattractive thing to a guy. It's a turn off for guys when women lack confidence in their own bodies.

I think we all have insecurities about our bodies. But if you have someone who loves loves your body. Then you owe first to yourself and the other person to face your fears

Ptefabulous · 10-21-2013, 05:07 PM

Every woman has their own insecurities. I know it's scary to let someone else in and be vulnerable, but honestly no guy is as judgmental as we are on ourselves. Guys see boobs, butt, beautiful. Guys don't see the cellulite and bulges because they are to busy actually enjoying whats happening!!

You can work your way up to it if you want, but I recommend just jumping in! After you see how happy he is and non judgey it should give you a nice boost of confidence.

kisskiss · 10-21-2013, 05:24 PM

I feel for you, we all have insecurities. I have them now that I've lost weight.
For me, I hate the stretchmarks all over my stomach, but when it came down to fun times with my current boyfriend, all the clothes came off and it made it easier than had I worked my way to that. For you, it might be the opposite. You can jump in and take the dress off, but if you don't feel comfortable with that then don't pressure yourself. If you're that uncomfortable, start slowly, do the lingerie thing. Then when you feel comfortable, go for it. It's really all up to you

IsobelRose22 · 10-22-2013, 03:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ptefabulous

Every woman has their own insecurities. I know it's scary to let someone else in and be vulnerable, but honestly no guy is as judgmental as we are on ourselves. Guys see boobs, butt, beautiful. Guys don't see the cellulite and bulges because they are to busy actually enjoying whats happening!!

You can work your way up to it if you want, but I recommend just jumping in! After you see how happy he is and non judgey it should give you a nice boost of confidence.

This. Personally I just bit the bullet and did it, lights on and just laid it all bare (no pun intended) his reaction put paid to all my insecurities at once. A friend once told me that a mans favourite body shape is naked, plain and simple. He's just grateful someone wants to get up to bedroom activities with him! Besides he probably has insecurities about his own body as well.

blackinkstyle · 10-22-2013, 06:58 PM

So the consensus seems to be that I should just go for it, huh? I cant believe I'm saying this, but you all may be right. I already know that he finds me attractive. He has his own insecurites for sure, but he has been able to share them with me and not hide himself. And sense mine is a journey of not only weight loss, but also self acceptance and general improvement, maybe its time to just jump in. As I mentioned, he got the dress off once for a bit, so he's seen it all... I'm not afraid of his reaction. I just need to move outside of my comfort zone and realize that nudity is not.the end of the world.

Ptefabulous · 10-22-2013, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackinkstyle

So the consensus seems to be that I should just go for it, huh? I cant believe I'm saying this, but you all may be right. I already know that he finds me attractive. He has his own insecurites for sure, but he has been able to share them with me and not hide himself. And sense mine is a journey of not only weight loss, but also self acceptance and general improvement, maybe its time to just jump in. As I mentioned, he got the dress off once for a bit, so he's seen it all... I'm not afraid of his reaction. I just need to move outside of my comfort zone and realize that nudity is not.the end of the world.

You got this!!

Iphy · 10-23-2013, 09:40 AM

Do you have any time when you're alone in the house during the day? This might sound ridiculous, but it works for me: spend some time completely naked by yourself. You don't have to look in the mirror, just get comfortable with the way your body feels and moves without clothes on. You don't have to fall in love with your appearance, but don't let yourself focus on negative thoughts. After just a few hours of this, I felt so much less nervous in front of others.

blackinkstyle · 11-04-2013, 08:15 AM

It finally happened!

Thank you all for the advice and encouragement. I went the route of sexy lingerie... A cute babydoll, stilettos, dramatic makeup, loose curls... The whole nine yards. Bf went crazy, and before I knew it, my clothes were across the room. He was so happy and supportive and just like you all said, my insecurity disappeared. I still dont think I'll be trotting around in the nude, but I am definitely more okay with activity-appropriate undress.

Riestrella · 11-05-2013, 03:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackinkstyle

It finally happened!

Thank you all for the advice and encouragement. I went the route of sexy lingerie... A cute babydoll, stilettos, dramatic makeup, loose curls... The whole nine yards. Bf went crazy, and before I knew it, my clothes were across the room. He was so happy and supportive and just like you all said, my insecurity disappeared. I still dont think I'll be trotting around in the nude, but I am definitely more okay with activity-appropriate undress.

YOU GO GIRL! Awesome news!! Well done on letting go and letting him see a special side of yourself! I'm sure this will lead to a wonderful new part of your relationship with your boyfriend, and yourself!