Hamoco350,
**I want you to know that I give you all of this advice knowing that these are issues that I deal with daily and too have failed miserably, but I know that they are what is best for us!**
First of all, I seen that you haven't made a new post in over a month so I hope that you haven't given up on your journey. I know that it is very hard not to. If I lost five pounds for every time that I have "started" over (and never gained it back) then I would be underweight.
It sounds to me as if you and I are two peas from the same pod. I also suffer from depression/anxiety, binge and emotional eating. Also, I lost extensive weight only to gain it back a couple of years later.
Secondly, you said that you wanted to be the girl that you were the last time that you lost weight. Let me tell you...YOU ARE!
When we lose weight, we are still the same person that we were before we lost the weight. But that feeling that we aren't goes back to our anxiety. Some of the symptoms may diminish when we lose weight because we are becoming more confident in ourselves and other see that which reflects back on us. However, that being said...don't let yourself get caught up in the people that want to be around or are friends when you lose weight but aren't willing to be around when you are heavier. If they can't see the type of person that you are before you lose the weight then that shows the ugliness inside of them.
You say that you have all of the time in the world to focus on weight loss, but you can't completely let it rule your life. I know it's one of the oldest clichés but you have to make it a lifestyle change. You want to do this for the rest of your life not a quick fix.
Don't sit and think about it all day. You are a student, are there activities that you could get involved in at school or a local charity that you could volunteer at just to give yourself some away time. Someone recommended a hobby which is another great idea. Are their any physical activities that you enjoy that could be used as exercise?
Don't freak out about how far you have to go. Think about how far you have come. It's not a race. You have the rest of your life to get where you need to go.
I don't know what your circumstances are or where you are geographically, but try not to sit at home as much. Find those activities that I mentioned that will keep you from sitting at home, getting bored, and reaching for food. I know...I do it myself. It is one of the hardest things that I have to try and overcome.
Finding out who we are is a struggle for all of us but you can't feel guilty or beat yourself up over it. You will have bad days but it's how you use those bad days to define yourself.
When you binge, write down and think about why you are doing it.
I have a lifetime of problems that I should have seen a therapist for (I seen someone mention that). Some people aren't comfortable with it. I know that I am not. I don't like trying to explain myself to someone within an hour and then feel like they're judging me. I have deep rooted issues that I know that I have not dealt with (sexual and mental abuse) and I may not be completely successful until I do so, but there are things that I can do.
My number one piece of advice: FAST FOOD IS THE DEVIL!!!!
Anytime that you would like to just talk or vent, please feel free to PM me. I could also give you my personal e-mail which I get almost instantly through my phone.
Best of luck!