Congratulations on your weight loss to date! It is an amazing accomplishment, and I can imagine your body (inside -- organs, etc.) IS benefiting from it!
I'm so sorry things feel so hard for you right now. Having a lot of weight to lose often comes with those feelings, and they are a b*tch to struggle through, indeed.
I was reading your post and wondering if you've had a chance to look at before and after photos of yourself? Sometimes it's hard to see changes until we can compare our current selves to our former selves.
Also, I have to ask about your scale -- do you think it is reliable? Additionally, sometimes it takes a while for weight loss to become visible on us when we have a lot to lose. However, I suspect if you keep at this you WILL notice changes and sooner than later, and be celebrating with excitement! I know it seems daunting, hopeless, and pointless, but please stick with it and you will be so, so very happy down the road that you did because you WILL see changes visibly, hopefully be more comfortable physically, and be investing in your future health.
Take care of yourself.