I obsessed on them until I could sneak out today and get a bag full.
This resonates so much with me, that obsessing over food and not being able to think about anything else. Believe me, mainecyn, you are far from alone. I think one of the sucky things about binge eating is that because it's so secretive, you don't know that other people are experiencing the same things you are, possibly even people you know.
Like tyla said, we've all been there, and we're all struggling along with you! I gained 50 pounds in 5 months a few years ago. You're definitely not alone, even if it feels like you are. When you're having a hard time, come back and read this thread. I just joined and already I see how supportive people are. Like Mrs. Snark said, it's going to be so so hard, and some moments are going to feel like ****, but once you get past them you'll be so happy and proud of yourself. You can do it. One day, even one hour, at a time.