I have been a member of this forum for a long time, coming and going. In 2009, I lost 60 lbs in 4 months by doing the Fat Smash diet and going to the gym five days a week. The classic formula.
Then, I studied abroad, came back, and was broke. I lived on ramen and buttered noodles and PBJ for months.
Then I met my boyfriend. And ate out a lot.
Slowly but surely I gained 100 lbs back. I got depressed, which made me eat more. I developed chronic pain.
Currently I am 25 years old and 352 lbs. I have been obese since elementary school, but this is my largest ever. And I woke up on Thursday (4 days ago) with what I believe is a pinched nerve in my leg. Went to the ER Friday, and was given muscle relaxers that do nothing. In my brain, this agony I am in right now is a sign that I have finally given my body all it can handle. I broke it.
I kept telling myself I could lose the weight like I did the first time, but I am so sick of being in pain. I am too young to have heel spurs and back spasms. And yet I somehow feel guilty about wanting surgery.
I know this is a weird post, and I'm rambling, but I guess what I'm asking is, is it really time? Am I rushing this?
Oh Mary Ellen - my heart goes out to you. and i'm going to share just a few thoughts with you - please forgive me if i start rambling.
First of all, the best way to lose weight is the one that works for YOU to help you get to a healthy weight AND to help you maintain it. You've experienced this struggle. often.
And then there's the whole issue of trying and trying and trying, and following every plan, losing some, then regaining, even though you may or may not be doing things 'so badly.'
Those of us who've had surgery have hit a wall, one in which nothing works. I gained weight on an in-hospital 800 calories, which had my doc post a sign outside my door [unknown to me] that no one was to bring food into my room.
The main reason that i had surgery was that it offered me the best chance of KEEPING IT OFF. I knew that i could lose a lot of weight [maybe not 'enough,' but a lot] by doing something drastic, like medi Fast or whatever, but i also knew that the chances of me keeping it off after that were slim. Every time i lost weight, i'd regain THAT amount, plus another 50%. So if i lost 50 pounds, i'd regain 75.
And so far it's worked for me. it's been more than 10 years, and although i had an 80 pound regain, i've lost 50 pounds of that, and the rest is coming off. but even with that regain, i can say that i've kept off 200 pounds for more than 10 years. and that [to me, at least] is astonishing].
So, now my Q for you is this: why are you feeling guilty about thinking about the surgery?
Thanks for your response, jiffypop. I just needed someone to tell me it was OK...I typed that in a REALLY down moment.
I guess I feel guilty because I feel like, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I haven't done everything I could do. But my body is telling me it's time, and I haven't listened to my body....well, ever.
I went to the doctor today for the pain I was talking about and found out I gained another 10 lbs. Even though I have been eating way less. So I talked to him about the surgery, and the program I was interested in, and he said he will 100% back my decision. So I signed up for the next seminar I can attend, on October 16.
I feel a lot of emotions. Guilt is one of them, but I also feel motivated and optimistic that once I get this push, I can change the course of my life. I'm to the point where I don't always even like the food I'm eating. I just do it because I want to. Being active and enjoying my 20s needs to take precedent over food. I don't want food to control me anymore.
Sorry Mary Ellen - i started to answer, but looked away and ended up taking a nap!
take your time as you explore surgery as an option. think a lot about how and why you eat and then look at the surgeries in that context - you'll have to decide what you're willing to do for the rest of your life. Some procedures are restriction only - and can have a malabsorption component added later. Others are restriction plus malabsorption. Ask A LOT of Qs. and then go back and ask some more.
see that line up there where you say that you've never listened to your body? SO FAMILIAR! and even now, years after the surgery, I'm still trying to deal with this.
So, my suggestion for this week is to listen to your body. MUCH harder to do than it sounds, but if you don't start, you won't get there. even just being able to identify when you're hungry or thirsty, or when you want to eat rather than need to eat will be a great start. Acknowledging your emotions and noticing how they're making your body feel will also help.
and please, breathe. ya gotta take the time to do your research and make the best decision for yourself.
I'll tell you this: I had my WLS (sleeve gastrectomy) at age 52, and my one and only regret is that the surgery wasn't available when I was 25!
I will tell you I do still go the gym five days a week, but my tiny stomach makes it much easier to eat right, which is where 90% of the battle is won or lost, in my opinion. I feel like my surgery leveled the playing field and gave me a fighting chance to be normal, and I am loving every minute of it -- 2-1/2 years at goal and counting!
How much is too much?
