[Panacea86]

In November, 2011, I lost 100lbs after working at it for 18 months. It was a great feeling, and I was doing well. My life had always been hard, I'd always had depression/anxiety leading me to comfort eating, but somehow I managed to put it all in its place to go on a South Beach type style of eating. At that point, I still had about 50lbs to go.

Since then, I have struggled immensely, through plateaus, mini gains, mini losses, and big gains (about 15-20, from my lowest).

I think I am at about 95 total lbs lost.


I have always broached this subject as a life long journey. I have always known it wouldn't be easy, and never expected to lose 150lbs quickly.


But now, I feel really discouraged. I've been off the rails for 2 years, and my "success" feels like a faded memory. As my weight climbs back up, I feel the old familiar arm wags and thigh rubs that made my life **** day to day.

It feels like I can't stop this train from taking me right back to morbid obesity.
It's been shocking, I've read books, gone to therapy, tried online OA meetings, tried to be "strict" again, tried to be "gentle" with myself...nothing works.


I need serious help. Please. I want to give myself the gift of freedom from stuffing myself and the gift of being in a trimmer body. I don't know why I won't.

[NEMom]

I am sending you . I so know how you feel.
I did not lose near the weight you did. My original loss was 60lbs and I so wanted to lose 10 more. For the past year and a half I have struggled to maintain my weight, let alone lose any more.
Here I am, almost 20lbs heavier. Due to issues with my hips, I can no longer do hardcore exercising. No running, no more squats and lunges or ZUMBA.
I have beat myself up every day for allowing myself to regain this weight. I so know the inner fears are struggles you are going through.
I have been back in serious mode for the past 5 days. I have done the exercises I am allowed and kept my food on target. I am working real hard at not allowing my negative voice to derail me because if I do, I will end up back where I was.
I have no great words of wisdom just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I too know this is going to be a life long journey and it is hard. Maintaining is as hard as losing, maybe even harder. I just hoping my fear of gaining it all back will be enough for me to keep trying.
Hang in there sweetie. I am cheering for you.

[Panacea86]

Thanks for your reply, sorry you've gone through so much. The good thing is it seems weight loss can really be a food issue (so maybe all is not lost with the exercise restrictions) but it's still difficult mentally.

I've been in a low place, really identifying as a binge-eater, someone with an active and living eating disorder. I have approached my life from that angle but I've been lost.

I went back to a thread I posted on here to hear from "old me" and it seems I may be confused in the throes of a carb/sugar addiction as much as any binge eating addiction.

It seemed so unrealistic (and maybe unhealthy) to go low carb but I suspect it's what was keeping me neutral on fattening foods.

[NEMom]

Keep looking for a solution Panacea. I have never tried restricting one food group (type) over another. Like low carb, etc. My brain just cannot keep all the needed information to be successful that way. I am sure I would lose more and faster if I limited my carbs (I eat a lot of fruit). I do eat pasta and breads but try to limit them too.
Don't give up. Look at how far you have come. I believe with all my heart you will find the right answer for you to move forward.
Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!!

[freelancemomma]

Have you ever thought about weight loss surgery? I'm not suggesting it's necessarily for you, but if you wander over to the WLS subforum, you'll find lots of supportive advice for people considering this option.

F.

[Mozzy]

Hugs

[Panacea86]

Thanks everyone
People suggest weight loss surgery to me a lot, which makes me sad. I'm in denial that I'm overweight enough to need it. I'm 5'7, 183, I'd be shocked if I qualified but that may be more denial.

I don't have health insurance, so it's a non-issue anyway.
I am a fierce defender of the right to choose WLS without judgment, I just know that at my age and lack of severe health problems I can lose weight on my own if I allow myself.