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Old 07-08-2013, 10:45 AM   #1  
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Default Approach people with help...without being condecending

Dear Friends,

I lost my weight and in the process of trying everything out, I have a feel for what works and what not. I learned a lot about nutrition and exercise in the process and not my friends and family line up for advice (and have some great results too).

But when it comes to the people that I am not close with, I feel just weird. I want to spread some love and support I know I can give a lot of advice and change a persons life, but I have no idea how to approach it. I guess I have an urge to help people, that don't ask for it, but aren't those the people who need help the most?

PS. I am thinking about my own life coaching business in the area of weight loss. Very friendly, non judging, buddy way to losing weight that is scheduled around peoples life (not lives scheduled around weightloss)
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Old 07-08-2013, 11:20 AM   #2  
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For people that don't ask for it? It can't be done. If someone's not open to it, it won't happen. And no one can ever make another person be ready for it.

There's a really common psychological experience at play here, very similar to new religious converts wanting to proselytize and share with others because they're so very happy with where they're at. Yet trying to convert others to your view point is, 99 times out of 100, only going to turn them off further.

Do your thing and if others ask, share. But taking on a savior mentality and trying to go out and rescue others only backfires. To be clear - I don't doubt your sincere good intentions, but that's just not how it works.
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Old 07-08-2013, 11:23 AM   #3  
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I dont give opinions unless asked for, I remember before I lost all my weight I didnt want to hear from others what I needed to do.
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Old 07-08-2013, 12:26 PM   #4  
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I have several spelling bee victories under my belt and I have an excellent grasp of spelling in the English language. I couldn't help but notice you spelling "condescending" without an "s" - in our crazy language there are so many irregularities and misfit words! I have a lot to offer when it comes to memorizing irregular adjectives, and it wouldn't feel like second grade spelling tests.

^ Your reaction to that is how probably 99.9% of people would feel if you approached them and made any suggestions about weight loss.
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Old 07-08-2013, 01:11 PM   #5  
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^ What krampus said (btw, that was awesome )
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Old 07-08-2013, 01:27 PM   #6  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krampus View Post
I have several spelling bee victories under my belt and I have an excellent grasp of spelling in the English language. I couldn't help but notice you spelling "condescending" without an "s" - in our crazy language there are so many irregularities and misfit words! I have a lot to offer when it comes to memorizing irregular adjectives, and it wouldn't feel like second grade spelling tests.

^ Your reaction to that is how probably 99.9% of people would feel if you approached them and made any suggestions about weight loss.
LOVE. THIS. ^^ Nailed it, Krampus!!
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Old 07-08-2013, 01:35 PM   #7  
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Don't be that person. If you want ro start a blog or something and invite ALL your FB friend/acquaintances/whatever to it, fine. But don't target the people YOU feel should lose weight. Previous commenters are right, it can't be done without being condescending (thats a more charitable word than I'd have chosen). It IS condescending if you are spewing unsolicited weight loss advice at them. They presumably have access to the internet and can read. No shortage of info on here.


@ Krumpus
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Old 07-08-2013, 01:38 PM   #8  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by penmage View Post
^ What krampus said (btw, that was awesome )
LOL!

Krampus' unsolicited spelling help does a great job of illustrating that there is no way to offer unsolicited help without being condescending, because you cannot know what the person knows, has tried, is trying or is intetested in doing.

I've gotten more than my fair share of condescending advice. Sometimes, I've even asked for it (without knowing the advice would be condescending).

When I was living in Illinois my doctor at the time suggested that I could lose a lot of weight simply by keeping ice cream out of the house and if I wanted icecream I'd have to leave the house to eat it, buying only one ice cream cone.

I explained that I didn't eat ice cream or any "junk food." He suggested I give up fast food. I explained that I HATED fast food.

He had no other suggestions except to hand me an outdated 1200 calorie sample monthly menu (filled with processed foods I didn't eat).

By the time I was eight years old, I had more weight loss knowledge than this physician.

My current doctor at least admits what he doesn't know. He suggested I try low-carb, but warned me not to go too low. When I asked what was too low, he admitted having no clue.

I've been experimenting ever since, and while many aspiring gurus would assume I needed lots of help because my progress is so slow to their eyes, it's fricken' fantabulous to mine, because it's success I couldn't achieve with my wealth of weight loss knowledge.

For the most part, I try to be patient with newbie converts, whether it be to religion or weight loss, but zealotry does bring out my own condescension and I want to pat them on the head and tell them how adorably annoying they are, and then share MY superior knowledge to help them become less annoying. Surprisingly, when I've done this, the recipient is almost never as grateful as I imagined they would be.

Last edited by kaplods; 07-08-2013 at 01:39 PM.
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Old 07-08-2013, 01:38 PM   #9  
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Just because you lost 30lbs doesn't mean you're suddenly a weight loss guru who can give random people advice. Don't get a nosebleed up there on your high horse after all!
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Old 07-08-2013, 01:40 PM   #10  
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While your heart may be in the right place, remember that what worked for YOU ultimately might not be what works for someone else ... and what didn't work for you, might be just the help they need. As the other posters have said, we each have to make our own journey through then, when we're ready to make the changes. Congratulations, though, on your success!
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Old 07-08-2013, 02:05 PM   #11  
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I agree with all the comments here already...you can't try and force your knowledge onto someone who isn't willing to listen, even though you are only trying to help. Weight loss, almost like religion, is very personal and some people can be deeply offended that you recommend something that they feel is wrong. There are certain boundaries that you just don't want to cross, especially with people you do not know very well.

If you want to share your weight loss knowledge, a blog would probably be the best medium. You can write your opinions, cite facts, etc., and sure people can disagree with you but at least that person was open to reading the information you posted in the first place, rather than be told things that make them feel uncomfortable without having a choice, if that makes sense.
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Old 07-08-2013, 02:24 PM   #12  
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If you really want to reach out and help people in person, I'd suggest joining a weight loss help group like tops.org where the members themselves can write and present programs for the benefit of the entire group. It's an embracing atmosphere of people actually wanting solicited advice (well, typically), which is a much better option than running up to people that "need" it yet aren't ready to start, let alone appreciate your intentions. It would also be a great way to put your communication skills into practice if it's something you genuinely want to become a lifecoach for.

Last edited by Elladorine; 07-08-2013 at 04:20 PM.
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Old 07-08-2013, 03:50 PM   #13  
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I wouldn't. No matter how pure your intentions, if you approach someone else and try to give them unsolicited advice on weight loss, fitness or healthy eating, you will more than likely tick them off. Even people who ask typically don't really want answers unless it's a magic bullet ("take this pill") or it validates their already cast-in-stone opinion.
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Old 07-08-2013, 09:18 PM   #14  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krampus View Post
I have several spelling bee victories under my belt and I have an excellent grasp of spelling in the English language. I couldn't help but notice you spelling "condescending" without an "s" - in our crazy language there are so many irregularities and misfit words! I have a lot to offer when it comes to memorizing irregular adjectives, and it wouldn't feel like second grade spelling tests.

^ Your reaction to that is how probably 99.9% of people would feel if you approached them and made any suggestions about weight loss.
just awesome!
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Old 07-08-2013, 09:26 PM   #15  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krampus View Post
Your reaction to that is how probably 99.9% of people would feel if you approached them and made any suggestions about weight loss.
Nailed it!
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