I blame my ignorance, mostly, which I think most people could say. And I guess that's just a round about way of blaming myself, but it does make it a little less personal. I do blame my doctors somewhat for not addressing my ignorance, but I realize that a lot of them are just as ignorant about diet as I was. I was 14 or 15 when I gained nearly 50 pounds in a year and was diagnosed with PCOS. I knew that I needed to lose weight to help with my PCOS. It was the first time a doctor had been interested in my weight, and she monitored it very closely with a few side-heapings of guilt. She was Cambodian, so I think there may have been a cultural divide there in which she unintentionally hurt my feelings a few times. She kept telling me I needed to lose weight, but no one addressed what I was actually eating. I went to a nutritionist, and she gave me a plan, but she never explained how calories work and that the foods I was currently eating had an absurd amount of calories in them. I was never really taught anything about nutrition or my body. I was just always given a plan of what to eat without understanding the “why”, and it has been the understanding of the “why” that I think has made me have more success as an adult.
I don’t know. I know the genetic predisposition toward insulin resistance and PCOS played a role in the initial gaining of weight as a teenager, but obviously I am losing weight now with those same issues. But really, all along, I have just eaten too much. I knew that I was eating too much, obviously, but really, until I was around 18, I had no idea the actual extent of just how much too much I was eating. You could say I should have done more of my homework before then, and you would probably be right. At that age, however, I was just not motivated. That is what it is.
I’ve struggled with weight ever since, and I’ve had a few regains, but even during those times, I’ve found that the root of the problem was my ignorance of one thing or another. Ignorance of how to handle certain stimuli. Ignorance of my own requirements for success. Ignorance of how to address backsliding in a conducive way. Ignorance of how to deal with moments of weakness. Just general ignorance of myself. I mean, yeah, I can blame myself for my ignorance, but you’ve got to figure out that you’re ignorant in a certain area in the first place in order to fix it.
Mini-Goal #1: 210
Mini-Goal #2: 199
Mini-Goal #3: 190
Mini-Goal #4: 180
Mini-Goal #5: 170