Originally Posted by veggiedaze
So I am just continuing to truck along and hoping I will not change my mind about everything. I tried wine again last night (just a small glass and had it after dinner as opposed to before), but I again started feeling some binge urges. I think I'm going to give up wine now for awhile because I just feel it will cause me to binge one of these days. Anyone else have anything to say about alcohol. I just feel confused about it because at one time drinking wine seemed to help suppress bingeing, but now it just seems to do the opposite. I don't know why this changed. It really sucks because I just love a glass a couple times a week, especially on my last day of work. My last day of work though I am vulnerable to bingeing because I know I don't have to work the next day so it won't matter how sick I feel.
IMO, there are 5 types of thin people and the types range from those who work very hard staying thin to those staying thin without any effort at all:
1) Those who really work at staying thin with a lot of food rules.
2) Those who eat a lot (comparatively) but control their weight by exercising a lot.
3) Those who do eat but eat tiny portions. These ones may eat one big meal a day and skip the rest or may eat 3-4 meals a day but tiny meals. Alternatively, these people may graze all day, nibbling food here and there. They naturally
have a small appetite.
4) Those who are interested in food but are very fussy eaters such that if there is nothing they like in the fridge, they would rather starve than eat something they think is not perfect. These people are also naturally
5) Those who are too busy or too disinterested to think about food and use food to fuel their body. These ones do not snack at all or may just take one bite and be done with it. They rather focus their mind and energy on something else.
At the moment, you may be of type no.1 in that you need some rules to follow even if you are practicing intuitive eating. One rule for you would be not eating trigger foods. I think that if a person is strict about food such that they have certain rules, that is okay
if the rules do not interfere with how they live their lives. This applies equally to those who are type no. 2.
However, if for some reason, the rules do not get followed (e.g. because of some external factor that cannot be controlled) and the person gets very anxious and panicky about it (e.g. failure to exercise a day means not eating the next day due to compensatory behavior etc), then IMO, this is not an ideal position. This may apply to you because of the OCD tendencies.
My realization from the one year of non-restricting is that I CAN become type no. 5 BUT
in order to get to no. 5, I had to go through those stages 1-6 and get past stage 2
to overcome those binging urges which you mentioned in relation to your wine.
It does NOT mean that I am healthy if I am type no. 5. A lot of thin people are very unhealthy and unfit. My goal is to train myself to eat healthily and this is where I am at the moment. Then comes the focus on becoming fitter with some activities that I enjoy.
Our reasons for having ED appear to be different - yours was internally driven and mine was mainly externally driven, so with your OCD, perhaps staying as type no. 1 but reaching a middle ground with certain flexible food rules may be the way to go. That may satisfy your OCD tendencies so that you do not feel lost without rules, but at the same time, the rules could only be simple, flexible, basic rules which occur in an environment YOU can control. E.g. no trigger foods in the house. This does not mean that you can't drink wine at a friend's party but it just means that you don't have wine in the house. If you have a desire for it, do it in a restaurant. Just as an example.