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Old 04-18-2013, 12:54 PM   #179
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Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny View Post
I don't think you're being snarky at all. I question methods of non dieting myself because I perceive it to mean that we have to snap our fingers and become a different person. We all know people who are naturally thin/fit, who don't worry about food or calories, who intrinsically eat the right amount of food at the right time and don't get led around by their cravings. I want to be like those people, I want to "not diet too" we want to be "naturally thin" but the truth is I am not. I've tried pretending to be like them hoping that the fake-it-till-you-make-it-method works. But I can't do it.

Disordered eating is a real concept, not something you can just wish away. I strive to reach the happy balance between binging and restrictive dieting but like you say, even one little tiny change feels restrictive! Even if I decide that instead of eating a whole bag of cheetos I'll have a large bowl instead even that feels like a noose, like I'm policing myself. And then that restrictive behavior leads to binging. I love the concept of not dieting but I love the concept of losing weight more. Those 2 will never reconcile in my life, for others yes, for me I can't imagine it.

Wannabeskinny - This post has a whole new meaning to me now. When you talk about these so called "naturally thin people we all know who don't count calories and know just what to eat and when". The whole reason they are like that is because they do not TRY to be like that. They never got into the restrict/binge cycle to begin with. I don't think they ever valued their thinness more than their well being. Pretending to be like that and faking it does not work. I've seen that in the last few weeks where at the beginning I was faking it and getting frusterated. You have to actually let go of the control and trying, something that cannot be achieved if weight loss is your main goal. You said in the second paragraph you will never reconcile this. You love the concept of losing weight more. That's how I was all through my twenties (except not with losing weight but eating "perfectly"). That's why it was impossible. It's only now that I see an entire decade is completely lost to me and I am losing another one where being perfect isn't more important. You can't make yourself get there, you have to hit rock bottom. For southernmavin it was being 61 and seeing all the years lost. For me it is being 32 and seeing I lost my entire 20s which should have been my best years and foreshadowing losing the next decade and the next. You can't make yourself not care about losing weight. It means your not at the bottom yet. It won't come first anymore once you hit bottom.

My sister was able to recover sooner than me because she hit rock bottom first. She was bingeing and vomitting several times per day. She didn't want to live anymore. It was actually a blessing that her eating disorder was so bad because it allowed her to hit rock bottom much sooner. My bingeing was only once a week. It wasn't bad enough to give up being perfect. Hers was bad enough to give up weight loss. I think that's why alot of dieters whose eating disorders arn't super extreme tend to perpetuate the disorder for so many years whereas people who are near death don't have a choice, they must give up their obsession. they know if they don't they will die.

Disclaimer: I am directing this post to people caught in the binge/restrict cycle who were normal eaters at one time.

Last edited by veggiedaze; 04-18-2013 at 01:02 PM.
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