Just chiming in to say thank you all for having such a powerful, civil, and necessary discussion. I've been lurking in this thread since it began because I'm one of those people that tends to take a LONG time to listen and absorb and process before I react.
There's a lot of wisdom and experience here. I'd like to throw out one question - it's been alluded to in a couple of posts, but I'd like more direct responses to it.
What about the person (and this was me) who has never had a "normal" relationship with food? I was overweight/obese from childhood. I first remember binging (eating large amounts in secret) when I was around 8. Even when not actively binging, I ate enormous amounts of food, drank sugary drinks, and thought nothing of having an entire package of cookies/cake/chocolate. There was no guilt associated with eating so much because most of my family ate that much. Binges were different in that they were times of out of control eating, and I did try to hide those.
All that to say, how does a person with that background develop a normal relationship with food? I was clearly out of touch with my hunger/fullness signals long before I started dieting, and any kind of change in my eating habits would have felt like "restriction."
To take it one step further, in adulthood I did lose about 30 pounds without actively dieting. I was extremely physically active at that time for various reasons and my binging had all but stopped. However, even then, I was eating large quantities of (regular and "healthy") food at every meal. My BMI was still in the obese category and I had health problems related to the extra weight.
Please know that I don't ask to be snarky - I ask because I wonder how I could have done it differently, and how we can help those around us in the same boat, both here in 3FC and in real life.