kittykatfan - I think maybe you are overthinking things. You are looking for external rules to dictate things. And anything external that tells you what to do is a form of dieting. I have read a little about intuitive eating now, but mostly I am just trying to eat when I feel hungry which is not completely natural for me after so many years of disordered eating so I am really looking for the physical hunger signals. Sometimes I expect them to be there and they are not, and sometimes I don't think they should be there and they are. And I am eating what feels satisfying to me and I believe the level of fullness varies. When I am at work I don't want to feel absolutely stuffed because I have to continue working afterwards and being too full makes me feel sick when i have to run around all over the place doing my job. Also if I am too full I just feel like taking a nap which does not go well with working. At other times I am eating to probably a higher level of fullness. I dont think it has to be the same every time. trying to make it the same every time seems like dieting. Remember that if you eat a few extra bites one time and a few less another time, the idea is the body will regulate itself and be more hungry the next time you feel it's time to eat. It should all balance out in the end. Anyone elses thoughts on this?
bingefree2013 - thank you for your story. you are right that i am sure you benefit from having been a normal eater up until your late times as a reference to look back on. And same with southernmaven. For me I have never been a normal eater as an adult, just til about probably 12 or 13 years of age. But it's better than nothing. Bingefree2013 it is wonderful that you don't feel you overeat ever. Even when I was a normal eater I overate at times like haloween or christmas dinner etc. Of course it would be wonderful to get to where you are where you never ever overindulge, I would be quite happy with overindulging from time to time like I did before my disordered eating set in if it meant never binging. Maybe once (or if) I ever get there I could continue on and get where you are. Maybe my overeating at certain times as a child was because as a child you are not atually free to eat whatever you want all the time since your parents are the ones providing food. If my parents kept haloween sized amounts of candy around all the time it is likely I would not have ever overindulged on haloween. Or if christmas dinner was available to me every day if i wanted i would likely never have overeaten on christmas.
Southernmaven - thanks for all your input. it is wonderful to get the opinion from someone who is farther into this journey than I am but still somewhat new. I have read through alot of that thread carol posted and it is nice to see the thought patterns involved. It helps me not to get discouraged.
wannabeskinny - thanks also for your post. I think we all want to get where eating "healthy" and exercising becomes second nature; something we just do like brushing our teeth. However, I'm not sure you can really compare the two things so easily like that. Things we need to survive in an evolutionary sense are enjoyable to us. Eating is enjoyable, sex is enjoyable, remaining at the proper body temperature is enjoyable etc. Through evolution these things had to be enjoyable otherwise we would not do thing. People who did not enjoy eating died out. People who did not like to mate, their genes did not live on. People way back in the day though only had a life expectancy of around 40, a while before teeth rotted away. Also, perfect dental hygene is not associated with our and society's sense of self worth the way weight and the perfect body is. If we overanalyzed our way of brushing our teeth and stressed that we weren't doing enough, that too would likely become not natural and a problem. My step mother for example has a fear of losing her teeth in old age. She went to the dentist and they told her she needs to floss more because she is having bone loss around her teeth. So she became an obsessive flosser and if she went somewhere and forgot her floss her number one mission was to get to the store for floss as soon as possible. it really stressed her out. she went back to the dentist about 6 months later and the dentist then told her she is flossing way too much and brushing way too agressively and is actually damaging her teeth even more. Just another example how overobsessing and trying to control too much is detrimental.
And freelancemomma - do you suppose that if all that stuff was available to you every morning and you gave yourself all the freedom to eat whatever you wanted that you would still be eating the exact same amount? I have taken a few trips to europe and during those times I said to myself to just not worry about my diet because I knew it would take away from the experience and not allow me to enjoy such an opportunity. I remember the first week staying at a place where every morning they provided a huge breakfast buffet full of freshly made european delicacies, fresh out of the oven pastries, heaps of homemade preserves, pretty much everything you could possibly imagine. The first couple days me and the person I was with had pretty large plates wanting to try everything. Eating past fullness taking in all the new flavours etc. And on those days we didn't even want lunch, and didn't even really want too much for dinner. By the third day we both took much less for breakfast because it wasn't new and exciting anymore. And by the end of the week we were both just choosing a couple things. However, I do believe if I was in fear of the calories and panicked about what I would do the following day, I would have become overwhelmed with trying to hold back and would have continued to overindulge every morning. And that is what happened in my early twenties in the earlier stages of my disordered eating when I went to mexico with my mother and stayed at an all inclusive. I tried so hard the whole time to stick to my calories and overate the whole time and came home heavier. On my trips to europe when I don't limit myself, I always come home either not have gained any weight or a couple times actually lost weight to my sheer amazement.
And as for me things are still going okay and I am still trucking along. I haven't binged. I know though I still have a long ways to go in fully letting go of the control when it comes to types of food. But at least now I am not counting my calories and going by how my body feels, and i do feel my stress level decrease overall although there is still the stress involved with my decision to let go of the control. I think if I do binge it will be because I am wavering with that decision or because of the control I am having trouble letting go of over certain types of food and trying to put external limits on the amounts of foods like saying "two cookies only". That is my biggest obstacle. But I am pretty sure that just by letting go of the calorie counting tracking etc. that my binging will be less and I can already see that happening. The binging or urge to binge will probably not completey go away until I can get over that second part.