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Old 04-02-2013, 05:46 PM   #29
bingefree2013
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Quote:
What were you like as a child or before your disordered eating began
Ooo! This is fun, I love answering this question, mostly for nostalgia purposes.

From birth until age 19, I was a normal eater, and naturally thin. I weighed 106lbs (only knew because of the doc) all throughout high school. Never cared about my weight like the other girls, never talked about diets, thought they were silly, and didn't know a calorie from a carb, and mostly importantly, didn't care.

My sister, on the other hand, was never fat but perhaps just slightly naturally more plump than myself, thought she was, and engaged in diets like Slim-Fast and I watched her weight cycle. She still thinks she needs to lose weight even now, but I think she's beautiful.

When I was a kid my mom never deprived us of anything. She told me it's because as a kid she was deprived and told she was fat and snuck food to compensate. As a result, she has struggled with her weight her whole life and now she is fat. She also never made us finish our plates when we were full, so if I said I was done, it was never questioned.

Any food I wanted + being trusted with my own hunger/fullness signals = happy non-obsessed with food, normal weight child who can easily stop eating any food when she is full, no thought required.

I'm not sure what changed, but around the time I graduated from high school, a short while after actually, I began to become fascinated with skinny celebs and their bodies whereas before I never cared. Well, even being normal thin, I could never match up, so my young brain decided I could stand to lose 5lbs, and then I would be "perfect." Fast-forward six years later, goodness knows how many food trials and tribulations and I am just now coming out of the fog.

I'm luckier than most though - I do have 18+ years of experience as a normal eater to draw back upon as guidance versus someone who was never a normal eater and has always had issues with food.

I can't diet, it's not natural, normal, or healthy, and my brain has been throwing the equivalent of a two-sided tantrum from the last six years. Eat, or don't eat. Guess which side finally won out?

eta: I should point out also, that there is nothing special about me or my brain and my ability to stop eating when full with no struggle. I do not have a super metabolism and if I overeat long enough, I gain weight just like anyone else. All humans are born with the ability to relate to food in a normal way. It just gets screwed up by culture. I probably have genetic markers for things like anorexia considering that my own mother starved herself on about 800-1000 calories for 8 years and now has hypothyroidism and is obese. When the brain is properly fed, it can let go of the obsession and demonization of food and regulate normally, and that's all that has happened to me.

Last edited by bingefree2013 : 04-02-2013 at 05:55 PM.
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