Originally Posted by lin43
You are not alone! Although I don't believe I'm a binge eater (I am a disordered eater), this part of your post struck a chord in me, especially "I'm scared I will never feel normal about food." I read posts from people who are successfully doing intuitive eating, and it seems like a foreign world to me. I find it almost impossible to believe that I would one day have "two bites of cheesecake and not want any more." I've tried that approach many times in the past and it has NEVER worked. I keep making promises to myself that I keep breaking, so I'm starting to lose trust in myself around food (again--this has happened before). I understand what "moderation" looks like, but knowing isn't the same as applying. How does one achieve moderation consistently? Where do the cravings go? (Those who have achieved this---e.g., krampus and others---feel free to offer some insight. How did you do it?) And no, promising myself a bit of chocolate or a small treat each day just won't cut it for me (btw, not knocking anyone for whom this works; I wish it would work for me). I like that taste of that chocolate or that cake or that cookie and I WANT MORE (no--not as in 5 dozen, but half a dozen would be easy for me).
The mindset I'm trying to embrace right now is that I will not give up doughnuts, cake, etc. forever, but there may be periods of time when I just cannot eat them or have them around. For instance, I just threw out two half jars of Trader Joe's organic peanut and TJ's cocoa almond butter. In the past, I've at least been able to have the pb in my house and be okay with it, but I just cannot right now. For right now, until I gain control of my eating, I'm going to have to clear my house of foods like that. So maybe that is something you could try, i.e., telling yourself that you won't give it up forever but you may need to give it up temporarily.
Your post resonates with me. I used to be a binger because it fulfilled me in some way. Now I don't need to binge any more but I am left with this horrible habit and disordered eating which I believe is very closely associated with the chemistry of the food I am eating. For example I think I'm addicted to carbs, and eating processed foods alters my sanity. I just started a thread on Chicks in Control called Trigger Eater or something like that, I'd appreciate if you checked it out and shared your thoughts on it.
Having a normal relationship with food is my ultimate goal. Once I feel normally towards food I think my health, my weight, and my sanity will fall into place. I long to be one of those people who forgot to eat lunch lol.