This may be TMI, but I need some opinions. My DH is an amazing man and a very loving fantastic father. We have been married, with ups and downs for 13 years and in my eyes this is for a lifetime. But.... 3 children later and I'm not the same shape as I once was. I decided that since all my children are now school age, that it was time to do a little something for myself so I started IP. Since starting, he seems to have become grouchy and irritated with me. He keeps telling me that he loves me the way I am and that he doesn't want me to get too skinny. He misses us drinking together. I make his dinner every night and I get comments like "so what's for dinner other than 2 cups of veggies". I don't really need his support (I've done fine without is so far), but I don't understand why he is not happy that I am taking care of myself which makes me happy. Ugh....
This is normal with any other lifestyle change, not just IP. I am thinking he misses your time together which was eating and drinking together so it bothers him that you are not doing the same things as he is. The same thing happened with an ex-boyfriend of mine when I started eating healthier and drinking LESS (that still bothered him?!) but it was our way of unwinding on weekends and that changed. Sometimes people are not good with change. Maybe he is feeling insecure that you are getting smaller and are going to leave him which is not true of course but that is how some people think/feel. Is there a way you guys could share something/do something together to help with that like working out or something? Just a thought.
Some men can't handle change. It may be a case of insecurities. You are making changes in your life, he isn't. He is/was happy with the way things were. There was safety, security with the way you two did things and lived your lives.
This has changed now. In his mind you don't do the things together that you use to - and these changes are scary to him - even though he may not admit it to himself or to you. He hasn't reached a point in his life where he feels he needs or wants to change. As you change physically and emotionally the male fear is "what else are you going to change?" Which can be distilled down to "you are going to make other changes in your life as you lose weight and this change is going to be us - our relationship. That's a guy's point of view on this.
This may be TMI, but I need some opinions. My DH is an amazing man and a very loving fantastic father. We have been married, with ups and downs for 13 years and in my eyes this is for a lifetime. But.... 3 children later and I'm not the same shape as I once was. I decided that since all my children are now school age, that it was time to do a little something for myself so I started IP. Since starting, he seems to have become grouchy and irritated with me. He keeps telling me that he loves me the way I am and that he doesn't want me to get too skinny. He misses us drinking together. I make his dinner every night and I get comments like "so what's for dinner other than 2 cups of veggies". I don't really need his support (I've done fine without is so far), but I don't understand why he is not happy that I am taking care of myself which makes me happy. Ugh....
I personally think it's a culture thing. We very much so view food as a thing we do in togetherness, if that makes sense. My BF is really supportive but I was upset the other day and the first thing he said was "Want me to go get you a kit kat bar?" It's frustrating for him that I won't go to bars anymore (I'm only 21, I should be bar hopping every weekend according to my friends) It's an adjustment for everyone. ALSO sometimes he feels like I'm insulting HIS diet (He's underweight if anything) because I"m hyper about food now...and I catch myself being like,..."You shouldn't eat that, it has no nutrition."
Phew, glad it's not only me or should I say my husband. Thank you all for your input . I think that maybe part of this journey also maybe includes finding "new" things for us to do together as Amandie said.
My wife is a little irked too when I refuse her cakes or offers of tasty home cooked food. The biggest source of tension, however, is that she has nagged me for years to lose weight and when I finally do it, it's for me not because she asked me to. But on the whole there are other things which are more likely to rock our marriage than this, so compared to that you're in a good place.
Just in our family there has been 2 couples where one partner lost significant weight and then ended up cheating or ending the marriage. Needless to say my wife was a little concerned when my weight loss really started to show. Luckily after 30 years together she was adult enough to address her concerns head on. After a long conversation and a full disclosure of ALL my reasons for starting this journey her visible concerns seem settled. I try to make sure I am reminding her I am doing this so we can spend more time growing old together.
Some men can't handle change. It may be a case of insecurities. You are making changes in your life, he isn't. He is/was happy with the way things were. There was safety, security with the way you two did things and lived your lives.
This has changed now. In his mind you don't do the things together that you use to - and these changes are scary to him - even though he may not admit it to himself or to you. He hasn't reached a point in his life where he feels he needs or wants to change. As you change physically and emotionally the male fear is "what else are you going to change?" Which can be distilled down to "you are going to make other changes in your life as you lose weight and this change is going to be us - our relationship. That's a guy's point of view on this.
Lots of good advice, insights, mens perspective......
However, I think you need to sit down somewhere private, maybe a neutral place like a park or coffee house when you don't have other pressing concerns and have a heart to heart with him. Ultimately, you can't help him feel more comfortable with these changes you're making UNTIL you really know what it is that's upsetting him.
I would think if the roles were reversed, you'd rather him take the time to really find out what's bothering you rather than making assumptions and acting on those assumptions. Your assumptions could be totally on the mark or way off in left field and there's no way of knowing for sure until you ask him to share what's going on with him. Good Luck!
He is worth it and your marriage is worth it!
Anyone else's Spouse or significant other?
