I know how you feel. Learning to deal with food issues is so daunting. Restrictive eating causes weight loss, but it also causes bingeing! I never just feel normal. What's even worse is that as I get older I make more and more good choices like daily salads, fresh fruits and vegetables, quitting artificial sweeteners, quitting soda, giving up processed foods, and giving up sugar. The problem is.... I'm still not losing weight. It's like no matter how good I am I'll over eat a salad with too much avocado in it. I can never ever ever win and I can never be satisfied. It's torture.
"Binging is a descent into a world where every restriction... is cut loose. At its core is a feeling of deprivation.. a feeling you can never get enough. Binges do not signify a lack of willpower or inability to care for yourself. On the contrary, binges are a urgent attempt to care for yourself when you feel uncared for. They are the voice of survival. Binges are the mark of the self that says, 'I am tired of feeling deprived, of being told I am wrong, that I am bad." - Geneen Roth