General chatter Because life isn't just about dieting. Play games, jokes, or share what's new in your life!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 02-20-2013, 07:19 AM   #1  
Senior Member
Thread Starter
 
Palestrina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,607

S/C/G: 215/188/150

Height: 5'4"

Default Engagement part - gift giving etiquette

We were recently invited to a formal engagement party but we will not be able to attend. Do we have to send a gift? Keeping in mind that there will be a bridal shower, and the wedding itself to attend I'm not quite sure what the expectation is for yet another gift. It's a little overwhelming financially for us. What the heck is an engagement party for anyway?
Palestrina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-20-2013, 08:19 AM   #2  
Heidi
 
newleaf123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 2,963

S/C/G: 204.5/149/153

Height: 5'7"

Default

I've only been invited to a formal engagement party once in my life, and it was definitely a gift-giving situation. The way I handled it was to tie it in with my overall gift for the wedding. I was giving a large pottery soup tureen in the shape of a turtle, so for the engagement party I gave 2 pottery soup bowls that were part of the whole set, but were substantial enough to "stand on their own". But if you're not attending? Then, I don't know... (so I guess I'm not much help LOL)

I have no idea what the party is for, either.
newleaf123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-20-2013, 08:35 AM   #3  
Dukanista
 
April Snow's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Denver
Posts: 2,547

S/C/G: high263/current257/ticker/198

Height: 5'7"

Default

An engagement party is to make a formal announcement of the engagement and to let the two sides start to get to know each other. While it will of course vary by the customs of a particular area and/or family, giving a gift is considered optional, so I don't think you need to send one if you can't attend, esp. if you do plan to give shower and wedding gifts later on.
April Snow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 08:33 AM   #4  
Vex
There is no try.
 
Vex's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 1,274

S/C/G: 281/T/140

Height: 5'6"

Default re:

I would certainly send a card no matter what.

Since the engagement party is probably much smaller than the wedding and your gift would stand out more now, perhaps you could split the money you were planning to spend at the wedding and get some sort of gift card or something now?
Vex is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 02:51 PM   #5  
Staying the Same
 
krampus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Troy, NY
Posts: 6,448

S/C/G: 160+/116-120/maintainer

Height: 5'5

Default

Lots of engagements don't make it to the wedding. Send a card!
krampus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 02:57 PM   #6  
Stephanie
 
LockItUp's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,221

S/C/G: 236/135-140/More Fit

Height: 5'6"

Default

I agree, card.

The insane amount of money and time that some couples expect spent on their engagements, pre-wedding parties and get togethers, and weddings, are crazy to me. Your friend may not be one of those people. But I think a card just saying congrats is all that should be expected.
LockItUp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 03:10 PM   #7  
Staying the Same
 
krampus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Troy, NY
Posts: 6,448

S/C/G: 160+/116-120/maintainer

Height: 5'5

Default

I don't know anyone who has engagement parties, truth be told. Is that a more Southern tradition?
krampus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 03:36 PM   #8  
Senior Member
 
CanadianCutie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: London, ON
Posts: 1,631

S/C/G: 354/342/250(for now)

Height: 5'3"

Default

I think in the age of social media there is no need for Engagement parties anymore. Just another excuse for a gift. Send a card.
CanadianCutie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 03:46 PM   #9  
Senior Member
 
CherryQuinn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Newfoundland
Posts: 635

S/C/G: 335/see ticker/135

Height: 5'7 -171ish cm

Default

I just got engaged I am not having an engagement party. I think its unfair to generalize and say that couples are all out for gifts and gifts and gifts though. Me and my fiance just want to party with our friends, if they don't wanna to come cause they think engaged couples are spoiled or whatever people seem to think, they can stay home. We don't want their gifts or money , we just want to celebrate our love as cheesy as that sounds. I honestly had someone try to convince me just to do a court wedding cause they are tired of all the weddings and how much effort on their part in takes and all they have to do is show up for an hour. So yea sorry for the rant but some people are really jaded and I've been engaged all of a week and I'm already tired of this omg brides this weddings expensive this and spoiled couples this and that, so now I'm jaded too.
CherryQuinn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 05:53 PM   #10  
Stephanie
 
LockItUp's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,221

S/C/G: 236/135-140/More Fit

Height: 5'6"

Default

@CherryQuinn - Many couples who have engagement parties send registration info with their invites! If you aren't doing that people won't think they are obligated to bring a gift. Congratulations on your engagement!
LockItUp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 05:56 PM   #11  
Vex
There is no try.
 
Vex's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 1,274

S/C/G: 281/T/140

Height: 5'6"

Default re:

Quote:
Many couples who have engagement parties send registration info with their invites!
I may be old fashioned, but to me that is tacky tacky tacky.
Vex is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 06:06 PM   #12  
Senior Member
 
CherryQuinn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Newfoundland
Posts: 635

S/C/G: 335/see ticker/135

Height: 5'7 -171ish cm

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vex View Post
I may be old fashioned, but to me that is tacky tacky tacky.
Thats very tacky to me too. I also don't get the whole 500 people at a wedding thing, how do you know so many people? :P
CherryQuinn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2013, 08:26 AM   #13  
Senior Member
Thread Starter
 
Palestrina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,607

S/C/G: 215/188/150

Height: 5'4"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by CherryQuinn View Post
I just got engaged I am not having an engagement party. I think its unfair to generalize and say that couples are all out for gifts and gifts and gifts though. Me and my fiance just want to party with our friends, if they don't wanna to come cause they think engaged couples are spoiled or whatever people seem to think, they can stay home. We don't want their gifts or money , we just want to celebrate our love as cheesy as that sounds. I honestly had someone try to convince me just to do a court wedding cause they are tired of all the weddings and how much effort on their part in takes and all they have to do is show up for an hour. So yea sorry for the rant but some people are really jaded and I've been engaged all of a week and I'm already tired of this omg brides this weddings expensive this and spoiled couples this and that, so now I'm jaded too.
Hi, congratulations on your engagement! Don't let negativity stand in the way of celebrating your upcoming nuptials. You said you're not having an engagement party but you want to party with your friends? Not sure what that means, if you want to have a party then go for it! I've been to lots of parties lately (b'days, anniversarries) and the invitations have said "No gifts please" so you can do that if you really want a party but don't want to impose gift obligations on your friends.
Palestrina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2013, 08:29 AM   #14  
Senior Member
Thread Starter
 
Palestrina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,607

S/C/G: 215/188/150

Height: 5'4"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vex View Post
I may be old fashioned, but to me that is tacky tacky tacky.
Yea that is totally against the etiquette rules for sure. Registering somewhere is fine but you have to find out where by asking the couple personally or asking someone that is close to them. It's not right to put it in the invitation.

Usually, when the bride is having a shower the invitations are sent out by someone else anyway, and then it is appropriate to include a registry card in the invitation.

So in this case of the engagement party we RSVP'ed that we couldn't go by replying to the email address that was provided on the invite. We said sorry we couldn't be there and I did ask where the couple was registered but got no reply back. Don't know where to go from there. I feel awkward sending a card without anything in it.
Palestrina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2013, 09:00 AM   #15  
Just Me
 
nelie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Maryland
Posts: 14,707

S/C/G: 364/--/182

Height: 5'6"

Default

I've never heard of engagement parties but I'd definitely just send a card saying congratulations on your engagement. When we got married, we asked for no gifts but that doesn't go over well. We did get a lot of nice cards though that meant a lot to us.
nelie is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:00 AM.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.