This is such a psychological process and I know that, but it doesn't make it easier. At least I know I have some "work" to do.
It seems for me in all of my weight loss efforts, that there are certain weights that have psychological significance for me. In the beginning, it was 20lbs down, I could get that far but then I would freak out and run back to my starting point. To lose 20lbs meant that everyone would notice and my very personal struggle with my weight would become public. I couldn't handle that. But, I eventually go through it.
Then, the next one was Onederland. Being a one hundred pound something person meant that I was becoming "normal" and not the fat girl. That was an identity I didn't know how to take on and so I spent a lot of time camping at 203. And the next was 175, which was 50lbs down and my halfway point at the time. All of a sudden, to get beyond that meant that my goal weight became more of a reality and not just a "someday" dream.
Now, I'm sitting again on 161 - allowing too many days where my calories are at maintenance level rather than weight loss level. This is the weight that puts me in a size 10 and is back to my lowest weight I've been in 10 years. I've never been a thin adult. I don't know that identity. I'm comfortable - I am not the fat girl, but I'm not skinny either. I can still "belong" with some of my friends that are larger and with those that are smaller. I am average. I can run and be active and my body feels good, but with all of my loose skin (and fat left to lose), a bikini is not an option. In some ways, I feel invisible again - and I like it. The other side of this weight means more comments and attention. I'll be the skinny girl. The people in my life now will see the weight loss and it will start the whole public aspect all over again. (I've maintained within 13lbs for a year and a half now and have a lot of new friends, new job, etc.)
I saw a quote the other day that says: You have to decide you want it more than you're afraid of it.
Right now, I'm afraid of it but trying to remember that I want it more. Thoughts, suggestions? Anyone have similar mental blocks? How do you overcome them?
I can relate. I struggle quite a bit with the mental and emotional aspects of weight loss and body changes. I just actually started seeing a counselor last week because it's at that point for me.
I have a hard time with the attention I recieve when I'm out, namely from strangers. I find it quite uncomfortable being "checked out", though in some ways it's nice on the ego. I don't see myself how I actually am on top of it, which is a struggle too.
Though I've decided to stop activily seeking weight loss, I am working on other goals which will continue to change my appearance (muscle building specifically), and it is scary in a lot of ways. I've always stopped just shy of my ideal body, in some ways due to fear in some ways due to lack of commitment.
Don't worry about the "public". Worry about yourself and being a healthy weight. Someone's always got something to say. Try to have hollow ears (let it go in one and out the other ). Just focus on you and your health/goals.
It is amazing how much our our identities is tied up in the shape of our bodies isn't it? I'm so far from the "skinny girl" dilemma still that I can't help much there. Ain't nobody going to be checking me out any time soon, but I do know that when I get near a major milestone, I come close to falling off the wagon. I went out to dinner 3 pounds away from a 100 pound loss and ordered the worst thing I could have. When I hit fifty pounds I stopped going to the gym for a week.
There's a book out there called "Joining the Thin Club" (That for some reason I refuse to read completely until I'm closer to goal - yes, I'm that crazy), but the little bit I did read resonated with me. You can't just change your body. You have to change your mind, and that's a much harder process. I think Stephanie probably has the right idea, it's something a lot of people will need professional help to deal with, myself included.
Even if you don't go that route though - the fact that you're thinking about it is a really good sign. Examining our motivation is a big step in modifying our behaviors.
Hi BeachBreeze - first, congrats on your success, it is a huge accomplishment. It is amazing how much our identities are wrapped up in our weight, and how when we dream of losing weight we forget the fact that we will need to give ourselves time to adjust to our changing selves.
I can't give sound advice, because I like you hit an emotionally significant weight and then crept back up. For me, that weight is 180 - if I can break through it (still have a long way to go!) then I know I can get to my goal. It was so frustrating, I had lost 30Ibs, and had only 15 Ibs left, and couldn't get there.
The only thing I can think of is to do your best to maintain while your sense of self catches up with your weight/appearance. Be patient with yourself - it might take more time than you want it too, but if you push through before you're mentally ready I fear that you will bounce right back.
At this stage in the game, I think it is about slow and steady. You can do it!
I understand this, I wonder if we all have something similar?
I love your comment that in some ways you feel invisible again, and you like it. I feel that way, also. When I was bigger I always felt like people were critical of me. Some definitely were, some maybe I was projecting. The weights that meant something to me was 205 (I'd lost 20 lbs) and then when I hit 185 I felt pretty good about that because I hadn't weighed that little in years. I still mentally think I weigh 185- like if you just ask me what I weigh, that's the number that pops into my head and then I have to think about it.
I routinely sabotage my own weight loss for months at a time. I won't gain, but I'll maintain at the weight I'm at. Maybe it is because I'm afraid to lose more, I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm lazy and it's such an effort to lose weight. But eventually I always pick myself up and keep going. I'm in a weight loss phase right now, thank goodness, but prior to that I was stalled for 6 months.
The only thing I can think of is to do your best to maintain while your sense of self catches up with your weight/appearance. Be patient with yourself - it might take more time than you want it too, but if you push through before you're mentally ready I fear that you will bounce right back.
This makes sense. Maintain until it feels right to try to lose more. so much of this really is mental, and if you aren't ready to take on that aspect, then forcing it may not result in a good outcome.
or another alternative is to just go very slowly - like aim for 1-2 lb a month. In a year, you would be in the 140s, but the change will be slow enough that most people won't really notice and it won't trigger the comments and attention about your weight that you want to avoid.
Thank you everyone for your responses!! I think writing it out and "talking" about it helped a lot. I've spent the past day or so thinking and have renewed my commitment to my goal. I felt myself sliding and yesterday after camping at 161 for a while now, the scale said 163 so I was especially feeling like I was self-sabotaging. I woke up this morning and it was 160. Gasp! The scale is moving and the next pound is gone whether I am ready or not. I let that sink in a little and decided that I liked it.
Every time I lose more weight, I feel more and more "naked." But, like the first time of the summer when I have shorts or a bathing suit on, I get used to it after a short freak out and a few minutes of enjoying the sun. Maybe I just need to allow the short freak out moment, recognize it and then let it go and focus on the sun. It's nice "out here."
Reaching a milestone...and a stall
). Just focus on you and your health/goals.
