I'm sorry if this has already been posted but I had a thorough look through the forum and did a search, and I can't find anything, so here goes, bit of a wtf question...
I've probably lost about half a stone now, which I know isn't much, but the thing is, my trousers are feeling looser and it's... freaking me out a bit? It's like I'm starting to realise that this is working, and while on the one hand I'm all "woohoo" about it, part of me feels weird and resistant to it? I'm used to hiding behind being fat (and being in utter denial about it at the same time!) and it's a bit scary and daunting to think that something I've been trying to do my whole adult life might actually work. I don't know who I'm supposed to be once I'm thin, what excuse will I use for why my life's not working out exactly the way I want? What if people notice me more? What if they are more interested in my opinion and I don't know what to say? What if people notice I've lost weight and I start feeling under pressure to "perform" by losing more weight, and I forget that I'm doing it for myself, not to impress anyone else? What if I get flustered by that and screw up?
I know it's only half a stone, but I'm on intuitive eating for life (about six weeks so far without a hitch) and my usual diet time was under a week before I quit. It's starting to occur to me I need to answer these questions so that I don't sabotage myself.
Has anyone else had a bit of fear about figuring out what their new identity will be once they've lost the weight? If so, how did you overcome it?
I think this weight loss journey is intimately intertwined with self discovery. i think answering these questions will be an important part of your journey. good luck!!!
I've kinda felt like that too... My pants have been looser as well, and I'm thinking something along the lines of what you are, but I don't know how to explain it. Since I've been overweight all my life, becoming thin will really be a game changer. People tend to resist change, even if it's for the best.
Just don't worry about the outcome, focus on the journey. And once you get to your goal, that's one less stress, or possibly more, that you have to deal with. Don't worry about the bad, think about the good stuff!
But, please, do not spend your life hiding behind your weight. My mother has done that, and it's not a good place to be. I know change is hard, you have to get out of your comfort zone, but in the long run that is not a bad thing.
I know it's scary, the majority of my family is overweight, and has diabetes and high blood pressure and high cholesterol and so on and so forth, and they give me crap about my healthy eating and working out, and it took me awhile, but I decided, I don't want to be them.
Yeah, they call me too skinny, and gaunt a peaked and so on and so forth, but I feel good, I like eating veggies and lean protein and working out! I'm 5'5", 137 pounds, right where I should be for my height, age and body composition.
I also like the fact that my health numbers are good, and I look good and I can deadlift 185 pounds and I can walking lunge 1/10th a mile, and I can row 2000 meters in 10 minutes.
Getting smaller is a total mindf*ck. There's really no other way to put it.
I was never thin before, except maybe in kindergarten. Getting to a normal size was weird and new to me. I never knew how much easier it was to shop in the regular sizes, I never knew how much easier it would be to move around, I never knew how differently people would treat me.
Since I had been overweight since forever it was strange when I started to hit "normal" weight. I didn't recognize myself in the mirror! That was weird. Sometimes I still don't. My clothes looked impossibly small and stuff that was "a little tight" before was falling off me in a comical fashion. My perception of my body was off for a long while...and sometimes I'm still not quite there.
People will comment. You'll suddenly get more attention from everyone, people will be nicer, etc. STAY STRONG. it's really easy to let one wayward comment throw you off track, but none of those people have to live in your body—only you do.
I'm still in denial...I've almost ordered a few things online then stopped in my tracks because according to the measurements on the size charts, I'd fit best into a small or a size 4 or something utterly preposterous like that...when I look in the mirror, I still see an enormously fat girl (probably because I'm always surrounded by tiny, skinny Japanese people now). I don't think that it's actually going to sink in for me until I go back to the US and need to buy new clothes for work and I actually get to try on clothes with the numbers printed on the tags >.<
In any case, like other people have said, try hard not to "hide" in your fat...I almost did...I was assaulted in September after losing about 40 lbs and immediately jumped in my mind to "no one would have tried to do this to me if I was still fat and invisible." I was miserable for a few months because I didn't want to lose more, but was super unhappy in my skin. In the end I decided that I didn't want to let the hard work I'd put into it all summer go to waste and fall just short of my goal, so here I am again.
I think this was a big part of why I would lose 20lbs and then gain it back - not that I couldn't stick with it, but I couldn't handle it emotionally. I really had to do some soul searching to be ready for it. It would take me 1,000 paragraphs to write out all of the things that may (or may not) happen to you, but my advice is three things:
1. Keep going!!
2. Take the time you need to process all of it and take maintenance pauses if you need to. You are in charge of this weight loss - no one else. It's not "happening" to you, you are directing it. Come here and post about it. also, you'll find a lot of old posts of people doing the same thing and see some good advice.
3. You will figure it out - it IS a manageable challenge - and when you come out the other side, you'll be that much stronger for it.
I know you might think I am imagining this but people are so much nicer to me now (men and women), people that I don't even know. I always wonder if they thought they could catch my fat or something.
I also noticed in my car there is so much room between me and the steering wheel as so much of my stomach is gone plus I feel like I sit so low as my bum isn't as big. These little things are huge to me. I actually haven't adjusted either of them (it's not a safety issue) as I want to remember for a long time how much room I did need.
In my living room I have a "chair and a half", it's the style that goes with my sofa. I had originally bought it so I'd have a comfortable place to hang out and read, use my laptop, etc. but really so I know that I would actually fit. Now, my husband and I sit there TOGETHER and watch tv. Yes it's snug and I wouldn't do it with anyone but him but seriously, I can't believe we can do this now!!
I still constantly map out my path of motion in a store, restaurant, anywhere in public to make sure I can fit through. My brain forgets that I am closing in on a 100lb weightloss and still plans the big route. I don't know how to unlearn that.
I try on clothes in Lane Bryant, etc. still grabbing the 3x in tops and pants. I mean, I know I lost weight so why do I still do that? Then...when I need the 1x I literally tear up trying to comprehend how far I have come.
It's almost like the weightloss part is the easy part. (Trust me, I know it's not but at least it's a bit logical. Eat less, drink more water, exercise. I get that. But the brain part is so not logical!)
I wouldn't trade my weightloss for the world and I still have so far to go. It's not easy mentally being heavier and I'd rather have the mental issues being lighter than heavier.
Anyone have the opposite where they haven't noticed any change? I've been up and down so many times that I have a 10 size range of clothing in my closet, my body just feels huge at every size from 225lbs to 125lbs.
I think this weight loss journey is intimately intertwined with self discovery. i think answering these questions will be an important part of your journey. good luck!!!
Well, I'm back, now 15lbs in so I'm quite proud to look at this and think that I could have given up but didn't. I've been thinking a lot about what you all said, and it's been an enormous help, so thankyou
I'm at 197 now, at 196 I get to take more progress photos, so I'm quite looking forward to that (I'm still in the same clothes as when I started, but only just )
I did take a small maintenance break, and since I posted this thread I had what looked like a binge, and got back up and carried on. I have never done that before. Sometimes I think I couldn't quit if I wanted to, as the things I've changed about my lifestyle make me feel SO much better. These changes don't cost anything either so I have no excuses to return to my old ways of doing things. I found that when I took the maintenance break that the weight came off anyway, so I'm starting to get my head round the inevitability of this. I'm blogging about it a lot to keep my head straight. I've started strength training properly and i enjoy it so much I don't think I could just stop doing it. My awful "beer gut" (unfortunately not from beer!) is starting to disappear, and I realise I don't know how I lived with carrying that around for so long.
I may return to look at this thread in the future, when I'm further along the path. I just wanted to post this so I can look back at it later. And I wanted to say thanks for all the great advice and understanding, because it's really kept me going
Getting used to being smaller?
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