OH hun.. I am so sorry your feeling like this. I have been there because I have quite many times and fallon off the wagon. I honestly don't have much advice to give you because for me I fell off the wagon gained my weight back and here I am again. This time I just decided I have to make the choice to do this and do it now. Doesn't mean it will go perfectly, but we need to accept ourselves, and love ourselves because fat or not fat we are still human beings and deserve everything everyone else does. Please know that you are so beautiful and you deserve this!! You have done so great and I know you can continue to do great!! And your worth it. Noone does it perfectly!!