I totally get what you're saying about hot vs beautiful. Hot has a certain sexual connotation to it whereas beautiful is neutral. You would call a little girl, or a grandmother, or a young woman, or even a horse, beautiful; but you hot is kind of just when you are saying someone is attractive in a more sexual way.
I agree with Mozzy though, about that counseling. Or if you haven't communicated ALL of the above stuff to him, that'd be a good way to start. Men can get very lost about what women want. Sometimes they really need it spelled out. If you spell it out and you are still left feeling he's not giving his all, definitely counseling.