So I am having a bit of an issue with my marriage and I wanted some honest advice. It's nothing terribly serious, but it's always nice to hear feedback from others who may have experienced the same thing. I guess what I am hoping for are some thoughts on whether or not my expectations are too high, or whether I should be concerned.
My husband and I have been married for a little over five years, but we have been together for twelve. During our entire dating life, we did it long distance, driving over two hours to just see each other on the weekends. Though it was extremely hard, I think the distance also kept things hot and interesting. We always looked so forward to seeing each other every weekend, and we were both apt to be quite romantic, writing each other sexy or sweet emails and talking on the phone every day to stay connected.
When we got married, all of that stopped pretty quick. I was finishing school and working part time, and he started his career. Our focus shifted to "real life" things and we've been pretty busy ever since. Overall, life has been good. We bought a house, we have two great pets, we both like our jobs, and we've taken some awesome vacations together.
About three years ago, I started feeling like I really needed to make some changes. I had gained a lot of weight since we first met, and I wanted to be a healthier person. I lost 40 lbs, bringing me 15 lbs under where I was when we had first met. After slimming down, I have started taking more stock in my appearance, slowly expanding my wardrobe, learning how to style my hair nicely, and learning how to apply makeup. To be totally honest - I have never looked better in my life. And I know this is true, because out of the woodwork, the male friends in my life have started giving me a lot more attention, along with quite a few strangers. It's very flattering because I was overweight my whole life and I was never "pretty." I considered myself very lucky that I had ever even caught my husband's eye.
All throughout this transformation, I have tried to get the spark back into our relationship. Besides working on my appearance, I send my husband a daily sexy/romantic text, I am always "initiating," and I try to surprise him on a regular basis. However, he does not reciprocate any of this. Quite frankly, there is zero difference between how he treats me now as how he did four years ago. I thought that by putting in all of this effort, I might get his attention again. That it might spark more interest from him. But everything is the same.
For example: He tells me he loves my daily text messages. I told him that I might appreciate some back. He told me he can't... he's at work and he feels it's a conflict of interest to think about me while he is at work. But, he told me he would miss it if I stopped texting him. Mind you, I am at work too when I text him, but I happen to think about him all the time while I am at work and I want him to know that.
The fact that I am putting in so much effort, and I do not get anything in return, is disheartening. But, I have so many thoughts running through my head:
Maybe I am just being immature. He does love me, and he's a good man - maybe I shouldn't ask for more than that?
Maybe I lost weight for all the wrong reasons. His approval probably shouldn't matter all that much.
Maybe this is how marriage is in real life. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations about how hard a spouse is going to "try" when he already has me for life. Maybe I am trying too hard myself.
Thoughts? Thanks in advance for your insight!