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Old 12-13-2012, 11:13 PM   #145
the shiv
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 820

S/C/G: 190/188/170

Height: 5'4"


For me it was a gradual change in attitude. I'd "diet" in the past but all the hatred of myself was still there so I gave up trying. I've been seeing a counsellor, i've got out a whole load of the c**p that was holding me back, and 3yrs ago I fell in love with a wonderful man who loves me no matter what my size and just wants me to be happy with myself. I started setting boundaries with people who were using me as a doormat. I've managed to claw back some self-worth I seriously don't think I've had since I was... 8? I'm not kidding, I've been depressed most of my life and done a reasonable job of burying it. Now I'm I'm a kind of limbo, where I like myself on the inside but not the outside. I realised that I am so sorry for what I've put myself through, hiding behind pitying myself for being fat. Now I realise I'm actually worth a whole lot more than I thought, I feel stable enough on the inside to do something about it. I'm sick of just existing. I've had enough of buying into this myth that being thin won't make me happy. Sure, I don't want to be a size zero, and losing 100lbs won't solve ALL my problems... but it will solve a lot of them! I finally feel like I deserve to be happy. I owe it to myself. This journey back to who I am is a gift I'm giving myself to make up for so many years of treating myself like a piece of ****!
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