Not sure how I feel about going to a certain OA meeting...
Hi,
I am newly back in OA, and I am trying to get to some meetings. An OA member, who I haven't met yet but has been helpful to me, I'll say she is 'person C' in my geographic area said that they would take me to an OA meeting not far from the area where I live (I don't drive so pretty much a lot of offers to help me get to meetings sound great!) While this is very nice of 'person C', I am a bit cautious about going to this specific meeting because I am nervous about another OA member, who I'll say is 'person L' who may be present there. Person L started this meeting and at one time, about two to three years ago, her and I had an altercation at a different meeting in the same geographic area.
The argument was about the fact that I shared twice in a meeting. Person L was not the leader of that meeting that night and the leader said I could share, when Person L said in front of the whole OA meeting something to the extent of "No, no, no second shares!" I felt humiliated and embarrassed because I felt singled out in the whole meeting! I left the meeting but stayed in the meeting's building until the meeting was over, after which I talked with my sponsor, Person F who was very understanding. I was sobbing, so upset and Person L again interjected being rather aggressive and antagonistic, even saying 'we could take things outside.' I finally left, called Person L the next day where she offered no apology and was again in a heated tone, I wasn't overly friendly either, I was still upset. In the months ahead that I attended the meetings, Person L smiled at me, hugged me and seemed to care about me. I want to bury the hatchet between Person L and me but I know a meeting is about feeling comfortable sharing and if she is there, I don't know that I would be okay sharing?
In other meetings I attended I met person S who seemed to understand where I was coming from regarding person L and may have picked up on some not so friendly or unique characteristic vibes from person L.
I don't know what to do. The ball is in my court as to whether or not I want to attend this meeting. Maybe I should try to put principles before personalities, but it is also important 'to thine own self be true.' I just am nervous that something upsetting will happen again and be again traumatic.
I am very interested in other's opinions, thanks for reading this long post. I hope there isn't too much confusion about the different people.
Thanks again.
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