Stay strong Pearl. You are so brave and courageous to keep on keeping on like you are. Remember things get easier the longer you do them, particularly as you start to develop habits, so you don't have to conciously think about doing them all the time i.e exercising or eating right.
Just take it one step at a time and try to build a bit of momentum every day.
You've already made some fantastic progress loving over 50 pounds already.
I highly recommend you continue to communicate your thoughts and feelings as much as possible, don't let them well up inside. It's great you are sharing with the support of other girls here, but maybe also consider finding a neutral party that you can talk to face-face - I found that to be very helpful!