Heartbroken no more....(long rant) - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

bigprettymomma · 10-21-2012, 04:34 PM

This has been a rough year. The year started out full of excitement and hope. Before the end of January my hope and excitement was gone. With them they took the love of my life. We were set to get married on 4/16/12.

In January 2012, I was 10 days away from moving 900 miles (New York City) from home and starting a new life, new job, new marriage. 10 days...240 hours, 14,400 minutes away. I had resigned from my job, my house was on the market, I had accepted and signed the contract for a new job at a prestigious college.

10 days. On the 10th day my fiance said we need to talk. Those are dreaded words. I knew what was happening. To be honest my gut had been unsettled for a few days. I had a since of impeeding doom and I could not figure out why. I thought I was just scared to be moving away from home.

What happened next is a blur. All I remember him saying is "I need some space". Space? He did not want me to move to New York City. Our wedding was cancelled. I was humiliated. I had to ask for my job back. I had to take my home off of the market. I had to call the college and let them know that I was not coming. I could not function for a week. I laid in bed and cried. I laid in bed and called him non-stop begging for another chance. He refused.

I have since cut off all contact with him and have changed my telephone number. The turning point for me was when I asked him did he love me. He said I am not sure, I will think about it and call you back. ????? At that moment I decided for myself I want and deserve someone that knows he loves me and doesn't have to think about it. The following day I changed my number. I have not spoke to him since (April 2012).

Im getting much better. I wont lie I still have some sad days are sad. But I have also had my share of good days. From January-April I was neglecting myself by eating poorly, making bad financial decisions, being reckless. I believe I was punishing myself.

Since September 15th I have rededicated myself to ME. I now know that I have to love me first. I have to feel beautiful for ME. I have to love and respect ME before I can expect anyone else too.

I have been lurking on 3fat chicks but was ashamed to post because I had regained my weight. Today with this post I have decided to let go of that shame.

Thank you 3 fatchicks for the support and encouragement.

freelancemomma · 10-21-2012, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigprettymomma

At that moment I decided for myself I want and deserve someone that knows he loves me.

Good for you. That was a very healthy and empowering thought. Keep it in mind when you're feeling down.

My heart really goes out to you. I know from experience that being blindsided by someone you love is absolutely hellish. The good news is that we can and do bounce back. Within a year or two, if not sooner, you'll gain clarity on why the relationship wasn't right for you. You'll come out a better, stronger and more compassionate human being. That's the upside of suffering (not that I wish suffering on anyone). Better things await you.

As you know, this board is full of wise and supportive people. Keep reading and posting.

F.

chickpeas · 10-21-2012, 05:01 PM

oh that is a hugely stressful thing to have happen to you! It sounds like you've turned a corner though, time to put yourself first and be kind to yourself. Nothing to be ashamed of. You're back now and in a supportive place. One day at a time is enough. ((hugs))

bigprettymomma · 10-21-2012, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chickpeas

oh that is a hugely stressful thing to have happen to you! It sounds like you've turned a corner though, time to put yourself first and be kind to yourself. Nothing to be ashamed of. You're back now and in a supportive place. One day at a time is enough. ((hugs))

Thank you. It has been stressful. However, I feel like it has made me stronger.

Arctic Mama · 10-21-2012, 05:37 PM

What a horribly rough time! Good for you for moving forward and taking care of YOU, no matter how badly things were going.

There is NO shame or condemnation needed here. We have all had our rough seasons, motivators, and weight issues (up and down!). The important thing is that you are here for support. It's a wonderful present to give yourself to cap off a bad year with something very, very positive

kelleyb · 10-21-2012, 05:48 PM

Yep, be the best you can be for YOU! You are very strong!

linJber · 10-21-2012, 06:42 PM

I'm glad you jumped back in. I think it's a sign that you're ready to move on. good luck with the weight loss and with the emotional side of your break up. You have friends here.

Lin

PS - You do realize you are WAY WAY WAY better of without him, right? No looking back. Take care.

bargoo · 10-21-2012, 06:47 PM

Welcome. Congratulations on making a sensible decision to take care of YOU and to become the person you were meant to be. This man didn't deserve you. Someday you will be able to see that he did you a favor by getting out of your life.

gailr42 · 10-21-2012, 06:57 PM

What a shock! I guess in the long run, you are fortunate, but I'm sure it didn't feel that way at the time.

Heck, I gained all my lost weight back without anything happening in my life. Don't feel bad. It sounds like you have had a real epiphany and are on your way to accomplishing something big for yourself.

Em Coconut · 10-21-2012, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigprettymomma

I have since cut off all contact with him and have changed my telephone number. The turning point for me was when I asked him did he love me. He said I am not sure, I will think about it and call you back. ????? At that moment I decided for myself I want and deserve someone that knows he loves me and doesn't have to think about it. The following day I changed my number. I have not spoke to him since (April 2012).

Wow...what an answer to that question! Reminds me of the time I asked my ex if he even appreciated me...he said "sometimes, I guess"

Anyway, you totally deserve someone who really loves you and is sure of it! Stay strong and I'm sure you'll reach your goals! We're here for you, rough days or great days

bigprettymomma · 10-21-2012, 08:57 PM

To everyone that responded thank you!! I have to admit I have not gotten to the place where I know that I am better off without him. He was my best friend (so I thought). However, I have faith and believe that everything happens for a reason. I really do appreciate the kind words.

LockItUp · 10-21-2012, 10:04 PM

I'm so sorry you went through that! My instinct is to bash him and tell you you're better off and he was no friend of yours EVER. But I'll refrain (LOL kind of) and instead I will just say WELCOME! I'm very proud of you for making the decision to pull yourself up and make yourself a priority! I'm sure with every passing week you feel at least a teensy bit more like yourself. Glad you are here.

twinieten · 10-21-2012, 10:38 PM

Welcome back! What an awful thing to go through!

I would just like to ditto what freelancemomma said, because her words were so right on!

You've suffered a terrible loss but now it's time to focus on your happiness and build yourself back up! You're going to come out of this strong! Look out 2013!

LucyRic · 10-21-2012, 10:57 PM

Congrats on deciding to focus on the most important person in your life: you! You can do it!

KatMarie · 10-22-2012, 09:09 AM

I just want to give you a great big cyber hug ((((prettymomma))))