[guacamole]

I am writing this based on a thread in 20-somethings asking if your parents are thinner than you are. It got me thinking about my own children, specifically my daughter. My other kids are all within normal weight ranges, and my daughter was too until the past 2 years when she put on a lot of weight. She is 13 and above the curve in weight for her height and age at her checkup last week. I knew she would be and asked the doctor to speak with her about her weight before we came to the office. The doctor was very sensitive in talking to her about a healthy diet and exercise, and I see my daughter taking some of the suggestions and making healthier food choices. She definitely has copied some of the changes in my diet, specifically drinking more water and eating more leafy green vegetables.

The reason the original thread in 20-somethings spoke to me is because my daughter was always thinner and smaller than me until this year. She has grown a lot and is at least 1-2 inches taller than I am at this point. She is probably about 2 sizes larger than me in clothing right now, which really bothers me, although I have never said anything to her. In fact, I compliment her on her appearance all the time because she is a beautiful girl.

I did something at the beginning of the summer that didn't seem to bother her when I asked, but now I am not so sure. We were cleaning out her closets and drawers to make room for her new summer clothes. She had so many things taking up space that didn't fit her or were too worn out. She had some size 10 items that no longer fit her (she is a size 14 now) and I am just starting to wear a size 10. Some of the dresses still had tags on them (she is picky about what she will wear). It seemed a waste to give away clothes that fit me and were in such great condition. They are women's sizes and styles, and don't look like particularly youngish clothing - they could go either way. So, I snagged a few items for my closet and have worn 2 of the dresses since then. I got compliments from people both times and I am so happy to fit into 10s again! I should make it clear that although fitting into a size 10 is a personal milestone for me, I have not said a word about wearing a smaller size or being happy that I fit into the clothes. I specifically have kept quiet about the issue and have not made a big deal about it. No one even knows that the dresses came from my daughter's closet, including my husband, so no comparisons are being made and no one knows that my daughter no longer fits into them.

However, although my daughter hasn't said anything, I wonder of I have made her feel bad that I am wearing clothing that she can't fit into anymore. I know her weight bothers her, because she once mentioned that all the boys in her school only like the "tiny" girls - which means they don't like her. I really was being "practical" mom, in not spending money on new size 10s for myself. I didn't mean to make her feel bad. I don't even want to bring it up because I don't want to create an issue if there isn't one.

Do any of you have weight issues as related to your children one way or another?

[NEMom]

I have two kids. My daughter is 20 and my son is 16.
My son is HUGE (tall, big build and yes a little overweight). I knew for the time he was small that he was going to be big. His weight does bother me, it has taken my diet changes to realize who much I contributed to his weight issues. He is a football player and he lifts weights, he has lost about 20lbs or so since the first of the year but he is still big. We no loger buy junk to bring in the house so while his eating is not 100% healthy, it is so much better and I hope with a little and maturity he will slim down some.
My daughter is short and god endowed her with a huge chest. She always seemed 'normal' size to me when she was growing up. However, I have noticed in the last couple of years she was starting to put on weight. When I took her to the doctor this year and saw her actual weight, I very casually mentioned that she was not fat but according to BMI charts she was overweight and may want to watch it. It really does bother her that I have gotten so close to her size and she has began to watch her eating (as much as a young 20 year old can) and is exercising more.
Weight is a hard thing to talk to your kids about but helping them to make better choices is what we need to do.

[Jp7189]

My kids have always been overweight. When my daughter was about 8 or 9 I knew it was going to be a problem and I asked the doctor about it and she told me I worried too much. At that time she was already wearing medium adult clothes. Well here we are... when she left for college last fall she was at 315- and she didn't care. I tried over the years to get her to do WW and Curves with me. Come to find out recently that she "cheated" on WW, no wonder she never lost weight. While away at college she lost 15 lbs and since being home this summer she has now gotten down to 292. I always felt guilty about her being bigger than me, but I also realized that I was willing to help her lose weight, she just wasn't interested.

[Vex]

I have a normal weight son so far, but I WAS that kid that is your daughter. I was slipping into a 14 at that age, and it just went downhill from there.

I wish now that my mother would have done something to help me reverse that trend. I'm not sure why she didn't. Maybe it was because trying to talk to a teen daughter was like trying to talk to a brick wall. I'm sure I would have been irritated had she brought it up with me. But, still I wish she would have pushed the matter even through my annoyances.

So I guess all I can say is try to get her to change while you still have some semblance of control over her.

[Jp7189]

She is looking forward to going back to the gym when she gets back to school in a few weeks. She seems to really have met a new resolve and I am encouraging her. She has wanted to go to the gym this summer, but I honestly could not afford the memberships that they demand around here, and the use of the gym at college is already paid for in activity fees.

Maybe your mother didn't push you for the same reason I didn't push too hard.... I didn't want her to think that there was something wrong with her. I know that the world doesn't always look to the inside of a person, however I would rather she be fat and happy with who she is than thin and never thinking she is good enough.

[guacamole]

It is such a fine line to walk. On the one hand, I would hate it if there is something I can do to help her lose weight and I shirk my responsibility. On the other hand, I don't want her to think that I don't love her as she is. I guess I don't want her posting on 3fc in 10 years writing, "I can trace my first diet back to the age of 13, when my mother insisted I lose weight or be fat and unhappy forever! That was the beginning of a lifetime of yo-yo dieting, binging, purging, and bouts of anorexia!"

I liked what the doctor told her, which was to work on maintaining her current weight during the next few years. That way, as she grows taller, she will naturally thin out a bit if she stays the same weight. If she then wants to lose a bit more once she is done growing, she can reevaluate at that time.

[Jp7189]

That was an excellent response from the dr. This let her know that she is in control of her weight, and that there is nothing wrong with her. You are so right, it is a fine line to walk.

Originally Posted by guacamole

I liked what the doctor told her, which was to work on maintaining her current weight during the next few years. That way, as she grows taller, she will naturally thin out a bit if she stays the same weight. If she then wants to lose a bit more once she is done growing, she can reevaluate at that time.