Have you tried cutting out grains and sugar? I have done the exact things you mentioned, like sneaking food. There was a period of a few years when I didn't eat in front of anyone I didn't know extremely well, even regular meals. The only way I feel in control and don't have the binge, sneaking, disordered eating is when I eat clean. For me this means being strict about the grains, dairy, legumes and reducing sugar. Keeping a journal also helps immensely.
I recently found the paleoforwomen.com blog and it's very empowering and goes into the whys and hows of hormones and how food affects women differently than men.