Originally Posted by tinycities
Sometimes I feel like I'm almost obsessed with food. I love eating and I seem to think about food so much of the time. It's got nothing to do with hunger, but more to do with the idea/taste/sensation of eating. For instance, I know my boyfriend will be really late home this evening and so we'll be eating dinner separately, and almost as soon as he mentioned this, my mind leapt to all of the junk/takeaway food that I could secretly eat because he was out of the house. It makes me feel so disgusted with myself - I would be so embarrassed if anyone knew that's how my mind worked. Ironically, I almost feel like this has spoiled my enjoyment of food sometimes, because I am so unhappy with my weight I feel guilty when I do (legitimately) enjoy a treat (e.g., a meal out with friends)
I feel like I could have written most of your post, especially the part I quoted above. I have yo-yo dieted for most of my adult life, and last year, I lost 40-45 lbs. and have been maintaining it since then. I am so fearful that I will suddenly lose all motivation to continue and will regain the weight. Like you, I get so tired sometimes of having to make this much effort to just be a normal weight.
What I've tried to do, though, is analyze my failures, past and the ones that still happen. I want to see the patterns that have resulted in my giving up and regaining and/or going off my plan. I've already identified a few, and believe it or not, just objectively knowing what my weak points are has helped me to overcome them much of the time. For example, I realized a while ago that my non-hunger cravings for food come in waves and that if I can just resist the initial urge for even a few minutes, it passes. That's just one thing I've learned.
Also, I refuse to accept that I will have to live the rest of my life with food occupying so many of my thoughts. I realize that I may have to plan and think about food more than most people, but I still think that I think about it even more than most average dieters. I'm trying to find a way to make my eating more of a habit so that I won't have to think about it so much. I may try some version of the No S diet (Google it) along with calorie counting & see how that goes.
So, my advice? Identify your patterns and work on strategies to address them. And most of all, don't be discouraged; that emotion, IMHO, is the death knell to maintaining weight. I think of all the times I've regained my weight and realized that if I had just had a more positive attitude and had told myself that I AM IN CONTROL of what I eat and I REFUSE TO regain my weight, that I could have stopped that 5-10 lb. gain from becoming a 50-lb. gain.
Best wishes to you.