Originally Posted by tinycities
Sometimes I feel like I'm almost obsessed with food. I love eating and I seem to think about food so much of the time. It's got nothing to do with hunger, but more to do with the idea/taste/sensation of eating. For instance, I know my boyfriend will be really late home this evening and so we'll be eating dinner separately, and almost as soon as he mentioned this, my mind leapt to all of the junk/takeaway food that I could secretly eat because he was out of the house. It makes me feel so disgusted with myself - I would be so embarrassed if anyone knew that's how my mind worked. Ironically, I almost feel like this has spoiled my enjoyment of food sometimes, because I am so unhappy with my weight I feel guilty when I do (legitimately) enjoy a treat (e.g., a meal out with friends) - I know if I was healthier and ate well most of the time, I'd be able to enjoy these sorts of indulgences more fully. I've got other habits too - I try to avoid keeping unhealthy snacks in the house, but instead I just eat handfuls and handfuls of cereal every time I'm in the kitchen. Or sometimes, when I'm preparing dinner and about to serve up (i.e., I do NOT need to snack), I end up eating a huge slice of white bread slathered in butter - listening out to check that my boyfriend isn't about to come in, and hiding it in a cupboard if I hear him about to come into the kitchen. It's SO embarrassing and unecessary and I'd be mortified to be caught out.
Keep in mind, I'm no expert. That being said...I can totally relate. And really, this is how an addict's mind work. You could replace all the food and eating references with cigarettes and nicotine, alcohol, or drugs of any sort--pot to prescription pills. The hardest part about eating vs. the other things mentioned is that you have to eat. Every day. So you're trying to control a behavior that at times can be out of control. But the more you continue to work at it, the more it will become the new habit.
The key is to not give up trying. Your eating habits weren't established in a few months. It took years. It's going to take awhile to reprogram your brain with new habits. My thin friends also think about their weight everyday. But they're not obsessed with it. Its just part of their everyday thinking, like remembering to brush their teeth. Be soft with yourself, but also hold yourself to a higher standard. You are totally worth the effort!!