HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3) Insist that your e mail address is:
[email protected] or
[email protected]
4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
6) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
7) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
8) In the memo field of all your checks, write "FOR SEXUAL FAVORS."
9) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
10) Dont use any punctuation
11) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
12) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
13) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
14) Sing along at the opera.
15) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
16) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
17) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
19) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd
time this week!!!"
20) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling
"Run for your lives, they're loose!"
21) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go."
