Looks like forgottenqueen forgot to post.

You really don't want to do what t takes to lose weight and get healthy. You are not a candidate for bypass surgery because you won't be able to follow the strict diet that is required after. No one can make you eat against your will. You put the food in your mouth and you are responsible, not your mother. You say you won't go to the gym until you are skinny but that is totally unhealthy because you will lose muscle along with fat - remember your heart is a muscle. Until you are ready to do what is necessary to lose weight healthily, there isn't much we can do to help you. By the way, I lost 214 pounds over 30 years ago and I've kept it off.

omg I can so relate to this post seriously i was going through the same thing you were going through i'm also an only child and i'm 20 yrs old turning 21 soon .. i felt like i had no support from my mum i mean i love her so much but i felt at times she was trying to get me to get off my healthy diet and start eating junk food like you i live with my mum & its just me and her and i do believe in a way she was trying to keep me fat so i wouldn't leave her and in her mind get married off or something seriously cos she always use to tease me about my weight but whenever i tried to get on a diet she would be out buying junk food for the house things she normally wouldnt even buy when i wasn't on a diet ... my advice to you is i know what your going through i been there i can sympathize with you but what your mother needs to understand is she needs to let you go your growing up yes you will always be her little girl in her eyes but its time to take back control of your life .. i know this is easily said then done but let me tell you how i stopped my mother controlling my life ... Firstly i had a desire to change like you do & secondly like you i knew i couldn't do dis anymore i didn't want to miss out on so much just because i was obese i wanted to experience life and be confident and happy in my own skin and of course one day find love settle down and get married but mostly i wanted to find myself the real me not the girl who pretended to be the happy all the time but inside was crying out for help or the girl who was a punching bag for everyone's fat jokes including my own mum. i didn't want to be that "fat girl" i knew there was more to life then being miserable i knew i had to change but didn't know how because i had no support system and i mean zero there were so many times i cried to my mother complaining to her how i couldn't fit into clothes i really wanted or how no guys showed interest in me and she told me once straight out to my face "man don't like fat girls ". that was the lowest point in my life i really thought i wasn't good enough to lose weight and i fall into giving into my mother and allowing her to control my life and eating whatever she bought cos she was mostly doing all the cooking and shopping and of course she would mostly buy unhealthy foods . then one day i woke up and decided enough was enough i was 20 yrs old & thought if i don't get control of my life right now right dis second then am done how many years am i going to waste of my life feeling miserable and allowing my mother to get her way i had to stand up for myself and stand up to my mother so what i did was i started slowing research a healthy eating plan for me and going back to the gym i decided to join a female only gym cos i didn't feel comfortable with a unisex gym . i also started doing my own cooking and grocery shopping this really helped because i could buy healthy foods instead of unhealthy foods . the other thing i did is i kept a good journal and wrote everything i ate and slowly but surely i was getting into it and it was working the weight was coming off ... of course my mum wasn't really supportive but i was doing dis for myself sometimes you got to be selfish and put your own happiness first and don't worry your mum will come around just like mine did now she is a little more supportive but you gonna stay strong cos your mum will test you just like mine did she would buy all my previous favorite junk food and put them in the near my healthy snacks, i gonna admit it was pretty hard at first every time i thought even about eating it i remembered how far i have come on my journey to better health & happiness and how well i'm doing and the craving go disappear . so be strong you can do this trust me its possible believe in yourself and don't be hard on yourself do your own cooking & grocery shopping and if your scared of going to the gym exercise at home get exercise DVDs look up exercise videos on YouTube you will find hundreds and go for walks dis will help you ... your still very young your only 24 you can change your life around just be strong and believe me you don't need support i didn't have any i found my support from people online who hardly knew me we are all here for you and will support you also i learned to support myself i'm my own best friend now if i don't exercise or get to the gym on days am just being lazy i talk myself into it or hold myself accountable you gonna have to learn to be your own best friend that's what i learned on my journey also don't aspect to lose weight fast its gonna be a long journey i know it will take me a year and a half to get all the weight off but its a journey its suppose to take long just keep yourself motivated by setting long term goals and short term goals too so that you don't get unmotivated that's what has helped me. I haven't reached my goal weight yet but i'm on my way i started my journey last year November i been on it a few months now lost Alot of weight so far hoping to get to my goal weight by the end of this year or the start of 2013..you can add me as a friend whenever you need help or someone to talk to you can sent me a msg ... sorry about the long post anyway good luck and stay strong i know you can do this just believe in yourself i use to believe i was a complete failure before i started this journey but now that i replaced my addiction with junk food with a healthy lifestyle i never felt more better about myself in all my life good luck and just BELIEVE you can do anything you set your MIND to =)

Forgotten queen, being overweight DOES not I repeat DOES NOT MAKE YOU unattractive to men.
I was 26 stone when I met and married my husband and he loves my curves though is very supportive of my weight loss journey now.
It is VERY difficult not to care about the stares of other people at the gym or the pool or whatever but crank up the music on your MP3 player and get on with it. Wear a decent bra and decent trainers and ignore them. At least you are there doing something about it.
I had a very complex relationship with my mother. She was ashamed of me being overweight and put me on a very restricted diet at age 13 which started all my weight problems. I know it is very hard but as you are now an adult your interactions with your Mum should be adult-adult not parent-child. If she puts extra food on your plate don't eat it. She will get used to you taking charge of your food intake and eventually ease up.
Please find a doctor who will take your poor relationship with food seriously and hang in there.
Good Luck my lovely

The people here are really kind and supportive. You should re-read some of the posts people wrote to you without the negative mental filters you have. You probably picked up on some key words without really grasping the message of the posts which were, "we want you to get better, this is how you can start doing that".

Like someone acknowledged earlier, losing weight is as much mental as it is physical. I was also like you in one respect, "when I get skinnier, I'll do this..." because I was embarrassed of my current weight. Part of this journey is accepting yourself, that is how you will overcome the obstacles such as your mother, other people, etc.

Good luck on your journey, I hope you can come back on here, it was a decision in the right path in my opinion. You can do it.

She's not coming back but it's time for her to move out..her mother is toxic and needy.

I am surrounded by food pushers. My family.. my boyfriend.. my coworkers.. friends .. I feel like I have food being shoved at me from every direction. I used to feel guilty saying no because I know people give food as a gesture of kindness, especially if they've made or bought something you love but I've changed my tune. Remember this: You're the only one who has to live in your body. You are the only one who will suffer the consequences of eating the way you do and being over 300 pounds. Therefore, you should be the only one influencing your food and exercise decisions. I know it sounds a little harsh but it's been really helpful for me to keep in mind throughout the last couple months of dieting.

i second the poster who recommended leslie sansone's dvd called 'walk away the pounds' it's very good and at a doable pace and can be done in the comfort of your room. I too suffer from anxiety, but just want to let you know that when you feel your ready, the gym is not necessarily the worst place in the world. It took me ages to join the gym due to my anxiety. i'm 340 pounds and short and was sacred to death of joining. Then i did and initially people stared, and i hated it, but i just kept turning up my ipod on max volume and working on me and kept going, and now they don't stare anymore. But i'd highly recommend the above dvd to begin with. And if you can try and read up on healthy food choices. All the best hun x

I have a similar issue with you,my mother is obsessed with me being skinny.She use to try and give me these pills to lose weight and every day tell me im fat and when family would come over and tell me "oh you look great" she would step in and tell them "oh dont worry she will be losing the weight soon". It killed me so much that i use to starve myself and work out about 2 hours a day, after i got depressed i stopped caring and gained 95 pounds. Parents dont seem to realize how big of an effect they have on us and how much we take what they say to us to heart. The only advice i have for you on this is DONT LISTEN to your mom. The next time she trys to give you a huge portion tell her "Fill my plate like this again and youll be wasting food because IM trying to lose weight and i will NOT eat like this!" You need to stand up to her and ask her why she is doing what shes doing. You could even tell her that you feel like shes trying to make you fat,and making you fat isent going to be a way of keeping you around. She should want you to have a healthy life and meet the man of your dreams and if she doesent want that for you then you need to want it for yourself and forget what she wants.



You need support. Do you ever have days where you feel like "im tried of this i want to lose weight im so motivated!".....you work out one day and eat a salad and the next day you have no strength to do anything? I have those all the time,which is exactly why im here. Iv been flipping through the posts for a long time and to lose weight you need to want to,you need to think about all those stares that you get,and the worries you have,and the want to find love and you need to take the strength from that and push through it every day!

You should try curves,I heard its a great gym! Lots of women only that are trying to lose weight. When i bought my first gym membership for 1 year it cost me 400$ and i was so set to go! I went once and once i seen 70% of the gym was muscle guys...25% were skinny little barbies hanging off the muscle guys and 5% were *chubby* people. I walked in the fattest one in there at 210 and started to work out and got stared at,i never wanted to go back. I forced myself to and had the same experience. WASTE OF MONEY. you need a place to lose weight that you feel comfortable! Even if that means with a weight loss tape in your living room.


When i read your post and how you feel about yourself all i could see is someone i could relate too 100%. The only difference is i met a guy before i got fat and hes stuck with me through the 4 years i gained all this weight.
You sound like such a sweet person whos every bit of self esteem has faded away. You need to know no matter what weight you are,you are beautiful. You have so many people out there in the same situation as you,but you can change it,with some support exercise,portion control and you will lose weight!

Hello Forgottenqueen,

Thank you for sharing your secrets on your posting. I see that it is very, very personal stuff. I acknowledge you for being honest and open about your experience with your mom, food and weight. In my opinion the first thing you need to do is change your name! You are not forgotten....you are a queen, your job is to realize this.

It seems to me that there is some underlying things here that you may want to look into for yourself. I think a great place to start is inside yourself. You must start to feel better about yourself exactly the way you are before you can move forward. In this moment (yes at your current weight) you must love yourself and appreciate all the gifts you have. Find something (I don't care how small) to thank yourself for now. It could be something like....thanking yourself for getting out of bed, or for making one healthy food choice, or for joining this forum. Find something to love about yourself exactly where you are in your life.

Maybe join some sort of in-person women's group or eating disorder support group. Stay around people that are loving and encouraging. Maybe get some emotional counseling or life coaching. All of these things has helped me in life...

I agree that surgery is not gonna change you life. Only you can, from the inside out. Weight is not the problem...I encourage you to go deep....real deep.

Answer these questions for yourself....Do you feel like you are unworthy to be seen or to be happy? Do you feel unsafe or scared or like you have to protect yourself? Why? These are the ideas about yourself that you may want to explore....the way you feel about yourself is the source of your current life situation.

I believe that our journey in life is to lovingly release all the negative thoughts that we have about ourselves because they don't make any situation better.

You can move forward in your life, emotionally and physically!!!!

With Love and Respect,
Lulu

My husband cooks these huge meals and I feel guilty not eating but I finally had to say Im eating what I need to eat. Thank you but no. Now he is finally tryingbto lose weight