Raven, thanks for the supportive words. I'm sorry for what you went through. It isn't fun to be betrayed.
I know that he probably won't apologize and that this is not fixable by one person; I know that I won't sit around feeling sorry for myself forever (even if it feels like that now); I know that on the outside, I look like I'm doing just fine and getting things done; I know that it's not the end of the world and that I need to focus on my own life....but, I don't seem to be handling it well emotionally and my emotions are sometimes tied up in how I take care of myself. I'm concerned about how I'm handling it for a number of reasons. After he left (he will say I kicked him out, but I would say I just didn't go with him when he had to go), I did lose a lot of weight. I was about ten pounds less than I am right now. I guess, when the reality of it started sinking in and when I couldn't deny what was going on, I just started to retreat into myself and that included allowing myself to gain back some of the weight I lost. I know this is unhealthy, but I find that I hide behind my fat a lot and this is only one of the triggers for it, but it happens to be the one I am currently dealing with. I've got a therapist, but it isn't helping right now. Maybe I should talk more about my weight to her and less about my grief. I can't help feeling like a complete fool and that just makes me want to hide from the world...and then, I sabotage my efforts.
I've got to find a way to get out of the thought patterns that put me here. By the way, your weight loss progress toward your goals according to your ticker looks great! Keep at it!