Ok my partner says this isn't appropriate at all, but she could be jealous, I don't know...and I wasn't sure where to post this but since I come in here a lot I thought this space would be ok?
Ok, so I have a new trainer the last month, it's a girl. She's pretty buff and works me pretty hard.
Well this is what happened. The other day she told me to warm up on the treadmill so I did. As I'm running someone comes up behind me and slaps my butt!!! I was SHOCKED
I look over and it's my trainer and she's laughing saying "haha, did I scare you? Did you think it was some gross guy?"
Ok she knows I'm gay. I don't know if she is.
But here's my thing, I wasn't really offended, I was just shocked, she was joking around I didn't feel uncomfortable but then I told my GF and she's totally thinks it wasn't right.
But I don't know, I'm so unaware at times, I swear. If she was guy I would be offended, does it make a difference if she's a girl or not, if she knows I'm gay or not? Or.....gosh I don't know, was it inappropriate? I'm feeling kind of awkward now, cause now I don't know if she was joking, or what????
See, I dont know. I think if this were me and another girl smacked my butt, it would only depend on who it was. Like if a family memeber did it (we somtimes yell "GOOD GAME!" and smack eachothers butts, my cousin and I, lol) I would be okay. Random passerby on the street? No. LOL.
How close are you and your trainer? If you're close, and you dont feel deep down its a problem, I would vote 'let it go'.. does it bother your lady because your trainer is a lady too and YOUR lady is a little jealous? lol. I don't know how to phrase that. kwim, though?
I think it's fine if you feel its fine.
Last edited by kateleestar; 02-17-2012 at 12:54 PM.
I don't think it matters if it was a guy or girl..does she know your in a relationship? if so then it deff. was wrong of her to do that! and if she doesn't..its still wrong. I think your girlfriend has the right to be upset. I would, if a in shape trainer even touched my man in any way like that i'd have some words haha..but I am old fashion in a lot of ways but still...would you like it for someone to slap your girlfriends ***??
Thanks Kateleestar! I have no CLUE! That's my problem! When she did it I was like OMG, what the???? Just shocked, but she was joking around so I brushed it off. See I'm worried now cause what if she DOES like me, I feel weird....cause I don't like her like that. And we aren't that close, just working out buddies type of relationship. I mean we talk small talk like how our weekend was etc...so that's how she knows I have GF cause my weekends are with her cause we don't live together....
I guess do straight girls joke around like that? I have lots of straight girlfriends but we are super close and so if they did that not a big deal, but my trainer? And what if she likes me? That didn't occur to me until my GF mentioned it...now I feel weird.
PrincessAmy I would definitely be ticked off if some chick slapped my GF's butt....if it was one of her hockey team mates no biggie....but some girl at the gym YEAH! I'd be mad too....
I think it's a boundaries thing, and I'd be pissed regardless of whether my orientation included the gender of the person who smacked me. It's not like your trainer is your partner, you know?
It's one thing for a trainer to put their hands on you in a professional manner to guide, spot, help stretch, etc. Even the rump could be appropriate in context. But just coming up and which the cheek a good ol' whack seems weird. My family wouldn't do that (excluding my DH ) and no, I really don't like to be touched by people (again, excluding my DH) so I may be coming from a different place.
If it happens again, or anything of the sort, you can just say "I understand you're joking but it just makes me a little uncomfortable and would feel better if you didn't do X".
Yeah, I have personal space issues as well...so unless it were a close friend or my husband, I would have an issue. I would also find it pretty unprofessional. Just my opinion though.
If she were your dentist would it be ok? No. If she were your mechanic would it be ok? No.
I don't think it is ok for a professional to be slapping client butt. It makes no difference if she's a man or a woman. It's just not professional, respectful behavior. Then add this...
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The other day she told me to warm up on the treadmill so I did. As I'm running someone comes up behind me and slaps my butt!!! I was SHOCKED. I look over and it's my trainer and she's laughing saying "haha, did I scare you? Did you think it was some gross guy?"
She's trying to scare you while you are on a machine? So you fall and get injured?
And she knows it's not right to slap butts... she asked if you thought it was some gross guy taking liberties didn't she? So why is it ok for her to take the same liberties? Ok, so she wasn't some gross guy. But she's being a gross gal/trainer!
I don't know that I'd want to keep her training me behaving like that. Much less date her. I'd be seriously offended.
Quote:
If she was guy I would be offended, does it make a difference if she's a girl or not, if she knows I'm gay or not? Or.....gosh I don't know, was it inappropriate? I'm feeling kind of awkward now, cause now I don't know if she was joking, or what????
Look, you feel uncomfortable. Therefore it was not appropriate. Gender and orientation makes no difference. Period.
It doesn't matter if her intent was jokey. If I come over to you and slap your bottom... does my saying "But I was just joking!" make it ok to do? It's still wrong. You body is not there for my amusement or entertainment.
Uninvited, unwanted touching is def not what you expect from a professional.
And the whole "team thing?" I think that's weird. She's not your teammate anyway -- she's someone you pay to train you.
A kind word, a thumbs up -- sure. Slapping butt? I think that's getting fresh and crossing a line.
I think it's not about being gay or straight, but about the relationship you have with that person; let's face if, strictly speaking it's not okay to slap someone on the butt, you could actually be charged with sexual harrassment (regardless of your orientation) for that. Still, I smack my friends on the butt if they are on the stairs in front of me and their butts are right there for the smacking, but only because I know it's okay and we have a relationship that allows us to go a bit beyond the formal rules about touching and personal space.
If you were offended, it's not okay, if you were not offended, it's okay. It's all in the feelings of the one being smacked, IMHO.
I wouldn't care. If the personal trainer is really friendly and awesome, then she might just be comfortable with you (like your friends would). If you weren't offended by it then its no problem. Slapping bums is like the standard team/gym locker room stereotyping lol. Yes, it is not alright if someone is offended by it, but it just seems like your trainer is just relaxed around you. I wouldn't worry about it. I'd just tell my partner to view it as one of the teammates doing it, since essentially you and your trainer are working as a team to get to your goals!
I don't work well with overly "professional" people. I am extremely friendly and like to be comfortable, so if my personal trainer and I have a great flow together and she doesn't feel the need to act like she's dealing with her manager, then even better. I'd love training with her far more that way!
Honestly, if it didn't really make you feel uncomfortable I don't think it was a big deal. But it depends on your trainer/client relationship...maybe she just thinks you guys are alot closer then you are. My female friends and I do s**t like that all the time without a second thought. I don't think sexual orientation had anything to do with it. But if you are uncomfortable now that your really thinking about it, maybe just bring it up casually...and see how she responds and everything(awkward ik) :P
Is this appropriate or not?
