With a lot of my family, especially my in laws, my musings about losing weight were tossed aside, ignored, or mostly minimized with comments like, "Oh hun, don't set your goals too high. Losing weight is really hard!". Whatever. I am cool. I don't need everyone cheering me on all the time. But, after losing 59 pounds, the difference has really started to show. My father in law has started getting touchier about the subject. In the car yesterday, he made a few comments that were almost laughable. He told me that I don't need to lose anymore weight because everyone already likes me and that I don't need to worry about what others think. What? I know that I am well liked; loved in fact, by many. For this, I am thankful. But, I feel like this was more of a factor of me changing rather than being supportive. He said that he doesn't want me to get obsessive about it because there is no need. In the beginning, he was one of those that made dismissive comments about my weight loss efforts. He said I should be focusing on other things. I don't understand. I mean, I DO need to lose more weight. I am still a big girl. I haven't seen this weight since before I started college, but still, I am too big for my liking, and for my health. True, I do love people actually looking at me and liking what they see more and more-but more than that, I just want to be a normal person, and I am not really doing this in regard to what others think in the respect that I want them to like me. I know that some have problems with change, and he is a great guy, but I see how it really bugs some people when others go through major life changes.
Last edited by fatferretfanatic; 11-23-2011 at 10:50 AM.
Oh, hun, do I ever know what you are talking about! Goodness.. The comments people make!
I see it this way: You didn't care in the begining when I started this, why do you care now? We dont do this for them but for us. And we can loose as much as WE want to, them be darned!!
Keep going till YOU are happy, because that's what matters!!
He told me that I don't need to lose anymore weight because everyone already likes me and that I don't need to worry about what others think.
Maybe this was his way of saying, "If you stop losing weight or if you start gaining back what you lost, don't worry, we will still love you no matter what! If you fail, it's ok!".
Many people just don't know how to express themselves. And many people project their own feelings about things onto others. Maybe he thinks you are losing weight because you don't want to be judged anymore by others because perhaps HE is one of those that judge people based on physical appearance?
Eh, who knows --- just shut him down next time and tell him that you are doing this for you, not anyone else.
Congratulations on such a fantastic weight loss so far!
This thought occurred to me as I was responding to another post just now. It seems that people happily embrace your weight loss and are supportive to a point. It seems that the thinner you become, the more likely you are to be seen as obsessive about food and weight loss, and your behaviors are seen as either an eating disorder or as something that will develop in to an eating disorder. So essentially, big girls efforts gain positive reactions, and small girl efforts gain negative reactions.
Also, the negative comments seem to come from those who, for whatever reason, dislike change. Maybe they like you big because they're big and they like the company, or they have bad eating habits and like the company, or they know they need to change, but can't and you remind them of that...... whatever it is..... I had a friend who was thin and beautiful and she really like me being the fat friend because it made her feel even more thin and beautiful. My changes made her insecure, and she found a different friend. I've been on both sides of this, too.... I've been the saboteur and the sabotaged.
It sounds like you didn't get a great amount of support from the get go ("oh hun".... dontcha hate that?), and now there seems to be an assumption that it has more to do with making others like you more, not that you're doing it for yourself and your health. Is this family on the heavy side?
I'm so glad you found the comments almost laughable. When you can let things like this roll off your back, then it's easier to move forward. Take pride in your efforts and find pleasure in "ticking them off" with your choices and control!
This thought occurred to me as I was responding to another post just now. It seems that people happily embrace your weight loss and are supportive to a point. It seems that the thinner you become, the more likely you are to be seen as obsessive about food and weight loss, and your behaviors are seen as either an eating disorder or as something that will develop in to an eating disorder. So essentially, big girls efforts gain positive reactions, and small girl efforts gain negative reactions.
Also, the negative comments seem to come from those who, for whatever reason, dislike change. Maybe they like you big because they're big and they like the company, or they have bad eating habits and like the company, or they know they need to change, but can't and you remind them of that...... whatever it is..... I had a friend who was thin and beautiful and she really like me being the fat friend because it made her feel even more thin and beautiful. My changes made her insecure, and she found a different friend. I've been on both sides of this, too.... I've been the saboteur and the sabotaged
How true this is!! I just wanted to say that you pretty much nailed the common attitudes to losing weight.
To the OP, I cannot add anything more to the great advice you've been given. Hang in there, though!
You are truly the one that matters in this. I know you are proud of your success. As you can see from my stats I have a long way to go and I appreciate the support I get from all the posts. I have lost 16 pounds in one month. Congratulations on your success.
I'm starting to see it now...
