It just hit me that I'm going to be starting week 11 of counting calories on Monday. I thought it would be a good time to stop and take stock of how I'm feeling and I was wondering if anyone else has experienced these things.
My skin is now loose enough that, when I'm in the swimming pool, I can separate the blobs of fat on my stomach and thighs from the non-fat parts. I now have a sense of what my body will look like when I reach my goal and... it's tiny! It's really, really tiny! It's so strange to separate the fat from the rest of me and then remember I used to think I needed all that bulk so I wouldn't break. (weird sort of denial talking at the time, but there you go)
I'm much more aware of my body and tend to have days where I feel fat. It makes no sense that I would feel fatter at 273 than I did at 343, but again it's part of the weirdness.
The changes that I'm seeing in my body aren't all particularly attractive. My ankles are seriously funky looking. I had some mild edema in my lower legs and there's a residual bubble on my foot that doesn't seem to want to go away so I'm losing my tankles but still have the weird little edema lumps.
Sorry for the rambling, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed I'm not alone with this. Are there any other things that I should expect to see or have happen as I continue to lose weight?
When I was losing I remember I went through an entire realm of emotions. Funny though, now, I can't really tell you now the exact way I felt then, it is all just a wonderful blur. The one memory that I'll never forget is pure elation. Just that awesome feeling of control and gratitude and inspiration. Gosh, it's a damn good feeling!
Congrats on your 11 weeks! 70 pounds down and well on your way to a lifetime of normal.
Martini - Congrats on doing so well on this journey. You aren't alone - you know we're all here for you. We are really in this together.
I think you are feeling less anger, etc., because you have taken control of your own life and the rest just sort of falls into place. It's not too different from how you feel after cleaning out a junky closet or finishing a term paper or work assignment. Accomplishment. Let it motivate you to keep going.
It's great to be aware of changes in your body, too. They help you see what is up ahead. I think you feel "fat" now because you realize just what is possible. You have given yourself the freedom to think of yourself as a thin person instead of a fat one. If we could all just do that all the time, I think this would be easier. I know it is for me when I think thin instead of fat. Not too easy to explain, but it's sort of like "a thin person would never eat that (or eat too much of that - you get the point), so I won't either because I'm now a thin person."
I've been breaking things down into 10 week commitments to myself, so I think this is the ideal time to pause and take stock and then reaffirm your commitment to yourself for the next 10 weeks.
I don't know that I have been on as much of an emotional journey yet, but I am definitely developing a far different relationship with my body and with physical activity and trying to revise myself image to be that of a fit and active person.
I would guess that just like finding the right weight loss plan to follow, this part of the journey is going to be very individualized so I won't try to predict what else either of us might experience emotionally. But I am glad that we have 3FC to learn and grow (and shrink, too! lol!) together.
I've noticed a lot of things that you mention here. When I started my journey food was my solution to everything! If I was happy I'd eat chocolate, if I was sad I'd eat chocolate, if I was bored, I'd eat chocolate. I'm sure you notice a pattern here.
Once I gave it up, I had to force myself to DEAL with my emotions and that's not always an easy thing! I found myself enjoying my victories without having to celebrate with food and dealing with my defeats head on, instead of through food. It really is an emotional roller coaster. However, I've found on my bad days, I can come here and find support to get me through. That has helped IMMENSELY!
I'm also so much more AWARE of my body than before. I know now all my imperfections where before I just ignored them. I really look at myself in the mirror and I know my good parts too. I've also tried to use that to start dressing better and taking care of myself more. I'm hardly a fashionista but DH has liked the small improvements so far.
Sometimes I feel huge, why? Well, I notice bloat much quicker now, I also notice when I'm full whereas before that was the norm. So now if I overeat I will feel huge whereas before I wouldn't. I think that's normal for someone who is losing weight. Another thing too is that I eat much more fiber now, which does cause some bloating so that also contributes to the hugeness.
I hear you on some of the strange changes too. My skin doesn't look as good as it did when I was in my early 20's, I just never noticed it much when I was at my heaviest because I didn't want to stare in the mirror all day. I've also found new stretch-marks and don't even get me started on my postpartum belly! However, when I see myself dress up with new clothes that would never have fit before, it's so worth it.
I'm not sure about things you necessarily need to be aware of, like others said, it's so individual that it's hard to say. But one thing that helps me is to really put more effort in my appearance and to take progress pictures. It's easy to forget how far I've come until I see my pictures at my highest and then I can see right away how worth it it is!
Seriously, congrats on the amazing weightloss! You're doing wonderful. I know the emotional part of the journey isn't easy but it's well worth the extra work.
I'm much more aware of my body and tend to have days where I feel fat. It makes no sense that I would feel fatter at 273 than I did at 343, but again it's part of the weirdness.
yes, I always find that kind of reaction that I have weird. some days I'll feel huge, then others like I'm padded overweight, ha. I think it has to do with me paying much more attention to my body and not blocking it all out (what I did at my heaviest).
I do love some of the changes exercise has made, I have better shaped shoulders and more prominent collar bones, my chest is better shaped, my back legs are firmer.
I have all kinds of emotions about it too, and still have a ways to go until I get to goal, so I'll be slogging through even more, ha. Most the time, I'm thankful beyond belief that I'm working to get a handle on this and seeing results (even with the ups and downs).
I know what you mean about feeling 'fatter' at a lower weight - it's like, when I was my heaviest, it was my suit of armour, it was my protection from the world, no one 'expects' anything from the fat girl... and as that melted away and I finally SAW myself, I was furious for having done that to my body, the one thing that was always truly mine and mine alone. I had to forgive myself, move on, take stock, and acknowledge all those wobbly bits were my own fault but i was working to fix them the best i could. It's a never ending process, this "being aware" of yourself and the world and no long 'hiding' from yourself, the world, etc. Exciting, thrilling, so worthwhile, but scary none the less!
Oh I totally relate to this. I got so distressed about my body changes at some points on this journey that I binged, gained back 20 pounds and stayed there for months trying to get a handle on things. It can take time. Just try and process it the best you can. Talking about it here is a good thing!
working through changes
