[NEMom]

3 years ago I lost 60lbs with the help of this site, exercise and calorie counting.

I maintained most of this loss until this past year where I had a 30lb regain. 2014 was a rough, rough year emotionally for me.
As a 44 year old woman, I can tell you three things are true:
1) Midlife crisis does exist and it can take a huge emotional toll on you
2) Pre-memopuse is real - it REALLY sucks and can take a huge emotional and physical toll on you.
3) Empty nest syndrome is a REAL thing and can take a HUGE emotional toll on you.

By October of 2014, I hated myself, I hated my life and everything around me. I also found myself 30lbs heavier from not taking care of myself. Drinking too much, binge eating and no exercise.

In November, I took steps to regain my life. I went to see a counselor and made decisions on issues that I had been yo yoing about, small things like, Do I want to be married to this man I am for another 20 years, is this really where I want to be - I decided I do and it was, so I am made a commitment to not only stay in my marriage but to work on making it better. - A work in progress for sure.
I joined my local exercise group. It has been going on for 2 years but they meet three days a week at 5:00am and I always used the excuse it was too early but I have been attending every week except holidays, since November.
I have forgiven myself for regaining half of the weight I worked so hard to lose. This is a daily struggle for me but the more negative self talk I use, the less successful I will be.

My hubby and I are having a 20 vow renewal in August of this year and my goal is to be back to my original goal weight of 160.

[Mrs Snark]

Welcome back! 2014 was definitely a pivotal year for you wasn't it?!! I'd say a few extra pounds are hardly anything to worry about given the weighty events, changes, and life choices you've been facing!

Don't focus on the regain, focus on the achievement of losing and maintaining a 30 pound loss through some seriously tough times because that achievement is JUST AS VALID (if not more so) and it is a MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT.

< small tangent begin >

We all have a tendency to focus on what we believe are our faults & failures and gloss over our strong points and achievements. I find this particularly true for women (but maybe men do it, too, and I just don't have a big enough sample size of men who share their deepest thoughts with me to say for sure). But many women I know do this. They are harshly critical of any perceived "weakness" and "failure" while downplaying their own strengths.

< end small tangent >

Negative self-talk sucks, for sure. You are a fantastic person no matter what the scale says, seriously. Weight is transient, it comes and goes, and so we all will fight the good fight to keep ourselves fit and healthy as best we can as part of taking care of ourselves. But goodness, and kindness, and thoughtfulness -- these things are who you are inside and the scale doesn't reflect those things in any way. The mirror doesn't always reflect them either, for that matter.

These are things I remind myself of often, these days, as I face aging and menopause and all that fun stuff too, and so I will say them to you as well.

You rock! Glad you are here!

[jbaasch]

Ok NEMom, you look familiar to me...do we know each other?

[Magicsusan]

Hi, NEmom! It's me! I'm still here. I had a really rough year, too. We're going to help each other stay on track in 2015, right?

And Snarkles is right; that evil voice track that tells us we're crap every time we make a boo-boo in spite of our myriad accomplishments is possibly our worst enemy.

[Sum38]

Welcome back!!

My youngest just left the nest in September, so I hear you!! House feels so "empty". I must admit, I was a helicopter mom, and going from being so involved with the kids to seeing them a few hours per week, has be REALLY hard, emotionally.

I am happy to hear that you are investing on your marriage! We all evolve and it takes a lot of work to stay connected to one's spouse. -- I have done a lot of soul searching over the past few years. -- I could not imagine life without my spouse; had a few rough years, but we emerged even stronger.

Weight...ugh... at this point of our lives, losing the extra flab is so hard! So kudos to you!!!! I will be rooting for you! 160 by renewal of your vows sound fantastic.

Again, welcome back and we can do this!!!!

[NEMom]

Thanks for all the words of support, understanding and encouragement.

jbaasch - I grew up in Lincoln, live in Bennet and work at UNL?? Are your close to me??

Magicsusan- I need all the support I can get, that is for sure. Here is to our success in 2015! We will do it (again) but we will get it done.

Sum38- Marriage is hard. We have had some rough years also, you cannot be married for as long as we have and not experienced some bumps in the road. I do love my hubby very much and cannot imagine life without him. But there are days, lol.

Mrs Snark-Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Negative self talk is something I have always struggled with but I know to be successful I need to shut that voice up. Easier said than done some days.

Thank you all. Hope you have an amazing weekend!

[jbaasch]

jbaasch - I grew up in Lincoln, live in Bennet and work at UNL?? Are your close to me??

You are Brandi's mom right?!?! Lol I was the one that taught in Palmyra and moved to Kearney!

[twinieten]

Wow, to read your story and the responses, it's good to know we are not alone.... My kids are preparing to fly the nest. I have one who is starting to drive, and the others are not far behind. I'm already feeling the pains of what is ahead.

My kids will express disappointment when my husband and I leave them behind to go on a date. I even let the guilt prevent me from going out without them for awhile. Now I remind myself that the kids will grow up and move out, and my husband and I will be left together. We should nurture that relationship. My husband asked my oldest once, "do you want me and Mom to go on all of your dates?" Then he understood!

By following you, maybe I can learn how to better handle these things that I will soon face!

"But many women I know do this. They are harshly critical of any perceived "weakness" and "failure" while downplaying their own strengths."--- So true, so true.

Anyways, welcome back! I think it's great that you stopped yourself before you gained it all back! And found the resolve to do something about it! Having gained and lost so many times, I know how hard it is to resume something once you are "done". It will be a good year!!

[Seana]

First, I am half in love with Mrs Snark. She just says the best stuff.

And I agree. You maintained a 30 pound loss. And I'm impressed that you joined an exercise group that meets at 5am. In theory I would love to work out in the morning.

[Mrs Snark]

Seana -- what a sweet comment! Wait til I talk your ear off about nerdy and obnoxious stuff (Firefly! Archer! Why Bill Murray should be in every movie!) and then hog all wine for myself -- you'll be back all the way out of love in a snap, hee!

[Zumbachica]

NE Mom, so glad you are back here...i came back today. As women we are put through so much mentally and physically....the forties are not easy, especially when our kids leave the nest and we have pre menopause hormones....I agree with everyone else, yiou managed to maintain a loss given all these things.

i admire your ability to see counseling and get help. many don't take that initiative! Iknow that I have...between a divorce, seeing my kids so little now (one left for college, the other I have shared custody)..its so easy to lose it..but you're on the right track now!

[HomerGeek]

Welcome back! I know how easy it is to put health on the back burner when there's a lot of stuff going on. You can do this

[FatAbbi]

Welcome back! You can do it!