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40-Somethings January 2014 Chat

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Old 01-16-2014, 09:31 AM   #76
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Marlene Kids are 19 and 17. They love to travel with us, but do no have initiative to travel independently. We encouraged both kids to take a leap year and travel and both of them declined. -- DS is declining because of the sheer amount of schooling he has ahead of him (he wants to be a doctor) and DD is more shy and she was not ready to conquer the world on her own. She still lives at home; she was not ready to leave for college. -- She may stay home for another year. I am not not totally heartbroken because she is saving us so much money. She goes to community college and lives at home...we are looking at $22000 savings per year, nothing to sneeze at.

I was so ready; I traveled the Europe independently at the age of 16 and packed my bags and moved to US at the age of 20.
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Old 01-16-2014, 09:35 AM   #77
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I wonder if I have babied my kids too much and made them less independent than I was..... My DH would probably yes yes to that.
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Old 01-16-2014, 09:06 PM   #78
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Sum I don't know if its you so much as society in general. It just seems like "kids today" (there goes the old lady in me) just don't have this fierce drive that kids of our generation did to break loose of their parents. Maybe we've done a better job of fostering good relationships with our kids such that they aren't counting the moments until they can flee? Dunno... I do expect my kids to get a job and move out shortly after graduating college, in the same mold as myself, my siblings, and my DH -- so one of things that I do is *voice* that expectation. But who knows, right? It's probably like how before kids you would say "my kids will NEVER..." and then you realize once you have kids that it's not so cut and dry.
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Old 01-16-2014, 10:23 PM   #79
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My girls are 19(freshman in college), and 17(junior in HS). They are older for their grade than most, because they were both July babies, and we lived in Indiana, which at the time had a June 1 birthday cutoff to start school.

The older is going for accounting to be a CPA, which is a 5 year (150 hour) requirement. But she's planning on going summers to try to get done in 4 years. She had 9 credits when she started too, from HS. The younger is trying to get either an Air Force or Navy ROTC and go for nursing.

My guess is that since they are a little older than their classmates, that helps. Plus, we've always encouraged them to be rather independent, even though we've had a good relationship with them.

And the hope that they get jobs and move out (stay out?) is always there. I actually moved back home after I graduated from college in 1987. The job market was pretty tough in Pittsburgh as the steel mills were all closing, it took me 5 months to find a job in my field (I did get a job in retail right after I took the CPA exam as I didn't have any prospects). When I did get an accounting job, my parents said as long as I was paying my loans and helped out with groceries, I could stay. My grandfather also lived with them. BUT, my mom was only 23 when she had me, I was 29 when my oldest was born, so I'm 6 years older, and already thinking of when I can retire... if they need to move back, it will be fine nd we'll work it out, but I hope they don't need to.
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Old 01-16-2014, 10:42 PM   #80
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Default Animal cracker monster...

I mentioned that the animal cracker monster came home

I had opened a 1lb bag of them the day he left (he even took a huge handful in a sandwich bag with him), he was gone for 2.5 weeks, and when he got back on Saturday, there was still some of that bag left. On Monday morning, I opened a new bag to take some to work. That bag is now gone, and I had to open a new bag to pack my lunch for tomorrow.

Now... A serving is 16, but I only eat 8 at a time, and only 1 or sometimes 2 times a day. Monday, I had 16 total, Tuesday I had 10, Wednesday I had 8 and today I had 8. That's 42 in 4 days. In the bag, there are 15 servings of 16, or 240. That means he's eaten 198 in 4 days, or 50 a day.

He thinks it funny, but I don't, and it makes me very mad. I'm wondering if I bought a container to keep them in at work and kept my own private "stash" there if it would mitigate some of the aggravation I feel over this. I don't care that he eats them, I just care that he eats SO many SO fast. and I think I mostly care because I don't have that many treats, and I want these to be there when I want them.

Any other ideas?
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Old 01-16-2014, 11:08 PM   #81
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Hi everyone! Water problems, lawd. Question for those that live in colder climates - do you have a shut off valve on the pipe that leads to the spigot outside? It's not common here where I live, but I was reading online and saw it mentioned. If you do, how far inside the house along that pipe is the cut off valve? Thanks!

Diet's going fine. I'm one pound away from no longer obese *tears.* Husband decided to lose 6 lbs and "try it my way" as in my way, so he's counting calories. He just texted me from the basement/mancave letting me know he's starving and can't believe I have done this for almost 10 months. Welcome to my world, handsome! I set him up on MyFitnessPal, which I had never even used myself. It looks very interesting; I think I'll make an account. He was traumatized by the nuisance of counting out some baked chips to figure out what one serving was, so he is already shopping for food scales.

My family growing up was of modest means. I was the first person in my family (on my Dad's side anyway) to graduate from college. I went away to college after graduating from high school at 17, and never came back. I went to college in the summers, too, and immediately found employment upon graduating (totally unrelated to my major.) I still live a life of modest means, although it's a very happy one It's scary to think of affording college for our children, like, beyond scary. They are in elementary school - who knows what an education will cost in a decade. We will be availing ourselves of every conceivable avenue to help guide our children to be set up in life, whether it's community college, athletic and academic scholarships, trade certification, military, you name it. I work part time in retail currently where I am surrounded by recent college graduates totally unable to find work and straight up saddled by horrendous student loans. We have a roomy enough home for our children to live here with us as long as need be so they aren't saddled with housing if they can't afford it when they start out in life. Hopefully they will, but if not, we have room! It sounds absolutely glorious to me that young adults would be able to travel abroad and I would so encourage them to do so! It's quite an opportunity.
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Old 01-16-2014, 11:56 PM   #82
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TooWicky, congrats on the 1 lb to get to that great milestone!

I use MFP, and love it. It makes it easy to track things. I use the iPhone app.

Honestly, I didn't know how we were going to pay for college either, at the point you are at. It seemed so far away at that point, and we really weren't making all that much money in a small town. Even after we moved to a larger city, it always seemed like we had other expenses. One day we woke up & the oldest was going to start her junior year in HS soon, and we had little saved. Luckily, my husband's business picked up about then, we'd managed to have all cars paid for (for a short time anyway), and we started to try to put $2000 per month aside. I had enough to cover the first 2 years when she started this past fall, and we continue to put $2500 per month away. I know not everyone can do that. She got some scholarship money. We qualified for a loan, but didn't want to do that. My advise is to start putting something away, in a separate account that is in your name. Kids accounts are counted higher than parent accounts for financial aid. We had put some money away when they were younger in accounts in their name, and have $3000-$4000 in those accounts that they will use for books and things like fraternity dues. Community colleges are a great deal. Our kids can take dual credit in HS through the community college and get some credits before graduation, and we only have to pay for the books, no tuition (covered by property taxes). State schools can be a great value. If the younger one doesn't get the ROTC that she's hoping for, we'll have to borrow some unless we somehow make more, but we'll get through it.

Edited to add - if they are interested in the military at all, and a high school they can go to offers junior ROTC, I highly recommend. It looks great on college applications, and if they decide to go directly in the military, once they get through boot camp, if they have done some years (I think junior & senior) in junior ROTC, they get 2 grade levels advancement over those who didn't do this during high school.

Last edited by MarleneV : 01-17-2014 at 12:02 AM.
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Old 01-17-2014, 10:20 AM   #83
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I lived w/my parents for 1 year after college. Enough time to save some money and find a roommate and place in Chicago to live. I was 23 when I moved out. My older brother lived at home until he was 28. He only found his own place because my parents were downsizing. Although they had a 2nd bedroom, it was really not an ideal situation. He moved out, but not w/o kicking and screaming.

I've noticed that the younger people (22-26) on my team are not as motivated or even as hard working as their older (32+) counterparts. They still get the job done, but they seem to expect that I will do the stuff they don't want to do for them, or that we'll tell them it's ok to bail and not work the extra hours when we're super busy. However, when I tell them to suck it up and do the work, they do. But they always look for the out.

At this time next week, I'll be on a plane (hopefully) heading down to BVI via Puerto Rico.
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Old 01-17-2014, 02:31 PM   #84
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OMG...college costs just scare me and cause me stress each and every day. As I said, our son wants to be a doctor and we are hoping to help him out as much as we can. I know we will cover the first 4 years for both of the kids and then it remains to be seen. -- Ideally I would like them to graduate debt free. But then there is retirement to think about.... Our daughter is perfectly happy to be going to CC but our son wants to get the whole college experience, dorm life; life away from home, etc. -- He is going to a local college, he wanted to go away but out of state tuition is twice as much as in state. I could not justify spending $120K on his four year degree, when he can get a fab education right here in MI for $65K. -- He has taken a number of AP classes and if all works out, he will have his first year credits earned.

I wish I could just tell them to go where ever their heart desires....

I guess I will be driving my Mini for the next 10 years It is paid for.
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Old 01-18-2014, 12:31 AM   #85
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Sum, we are basically in the same place then on the college, or I'm just behind you... And it does cause stress. I have a car payment now, because I wrecked the one that I had that was paid off, and it wasn't worth fixing. I'm hoping I can pay some extra on it this year and some of next so that by the time DD#2 is ready to start, I'll have that $500 per month available. If not, I'll still have 5 payments left when she starts. We have committed to get them through their degree without saddling them with debt. The second one should be done in 5.5 years, and I'd LOVE to retire in 10, but unless we somehow make more $$, it's going to be at least 15...
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Old 01-18-2014, 12:41 AM   #86
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I figured out part of why I'm so bothered by the whole animal cracker issue... It used to be that when I bought chips & other junk, he would eat all of that stuff before I could get any. So, I started pigging out on it as soon as I got it home, to get "my fair share". This was a good part of the reason I gained the weight after the last time I had lost it, and then kept it on...

I don't get like this in regard to the stuff that I keep in my food cabinet that he doesn't mess with. When he buys stuff for himself, I don't eat that. So, I think buying some animal crackers for me and keeping in my office will solve my problem with it, because I'll know that I have some there even if all of the ones at home disappear.

And interestingly, they used to complain that I no long bought the junk, but I simply refused to since I wasn't eating it. Now, if they want it (even the kids), they have to buy it, and I don't touch it because it isn't "household" food, but their's.
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Old 01-18-2014, 03:09 PM   #87
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Marlene -- I think you have a good plan. The whole animal cracker situation would have made me crazy, so I think wherever you have to "hide" your stash, you should do it so they are there for you. Also, I think it is great you don't bring the junk into the house at all, that will help your kids in the long run, even though they may complain about it now.
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Old 01-19-2014, 09:05 PM   #88
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Saturday: 1311 cal, 128carbs, 63.5 protein, 57.7fat, no wheat, no gluten
Sunday: 1266 cal, 99.5carbs, 54 protein, 65.7 fat, no wheat, no gluten

Bought a new scale today, so tomorrow morning I will weigh on it for the first time. Probably will have to adjust my weigh in lol
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Old 01-20-2014, 10:16 AM   #89
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Anyone here takes measurements?

I lost a little bit in two weeks. The most exciting measurement; my hips.... I was 44/45 at my heaviest, now I am at 40 inches! I hope the next few weeks will bring me below 40, that will be one happy day! I am very curvy; even when I weigh very little, I have "juicy" hips I don't think I can get below 37/38 inches. My bones are too wide; I have a child bearing hips -- I did give birth to a ten pounder.

My measurements are 39/31.5/40. I am still very think in my mid section That will be the last to go.... I would be perfectly happy to have a 28 inch waist.

What are you measurements?
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Old 01-22-2014, 02:03 PM   #90
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Hi Ladies,

It’s been a while… it’s good to see some familiar names on this tread and I hope I was not away so long that you all forgot me completely..
Long story short my Dad passed away in May and I went off the rail. Really cannot believe that when I was ready to face life again (just at the end of the year) the scale shows I have gained back ALL of the 30 LBS lost. Needless to say I was very unmotivated and unhappy to have to say this AGAIN out loud. Just goes to show emotional eating is my downfall and I know this and have to pay attention no matter how hard life gets.
At any rate my entire family said they were ready to say goodbye to 2013 and reset for 2014. I am not usually one to make crazy *** resolutions that I can’t keep. Instead I have learned to make goals for myself, each year that I can keep. So I set two of them for 2014. # 1. I promised myself I would go Wheat and Gluten Free this year. #2. I promised my nephew I would give up the smokes. He is 8 and very boisterous about me smoking (when did they teach kids to be so LOUD about adult things) . I told him that the next time he saw me (I saw him last at thanksgiving and won’t see him again until probably May) that Auntie would not be smoking anymore.
I feel good in saying that those two things have been accomplished. I have not stepped on the scale again since that day in Dec when I saw all of the weight was back. I have however cut out anything that looks, feels or smells like flour, wheat, gluten… that means no cookies or cakes or noodle of any kind. No breads or muffins or bagels not even a smidge of any of them. I have seemingly tricked my brain into a mode that when it looks at “Wheat” or what may have “gluten” in it - somehow I am saying no. I know a lot of people want to be judgmental about this approach but I did not set out to be low carb… its kinda just worked out that way. I have had a long time battle with hives and rashes, sinuses and so on… and I kind of always related it back to the wheat or the gluten I am not sure which one it really is… so they say if you think your allegoric remove it from your diet and you can try to incorporate it back in. I am not ready to reincorporate. I feel good. I am getting carbs from fruits and veggies so I think I am pretty safe there having freshly juiced juice at least once a day with decent sized servings of cucumbers, spinach, lemon , ginger and apples. Funny I used to only be able to do carrot, apple and lime… but now I kinda like it all.

At any rate sorry for rambling… I am back and I read the whole thread – everyone seems to be doing so good still…. Except for the breaks in legs and water heaters 

Dammit someone push my *** on the scale now… its time to stop hiding and time to start fighting for it again.

Have a great day
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