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It's official: I am a total loser (and not in a good way)

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Old 05-11-2013, 04:55 PM   #1
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Default It's official: I am a total loser (and not in a good way)

So I posted my profile and some pics on match.com. I wasn't expecting 500 responses, but thought I would at least get some interest, even if it was just the perverts or losers who wanted to make fun of me.

What I got was worse: nothing. I had one guy from Mexico who supposedly liked my photo and one other guy who didn't even post a pic. And that's it.

Yesterday it said 44 people had seen my profile. And I got two responses. That's a 5% response rate..

I always suspected I was an unattractive loser. This experience just reinforces my beliefs. Even after losing 150+ lbs, I repulse the opposite sex. I feel so discouraged that I don't even want to post on eharmony or another site because it will mean more rejection.

I am used to being ignored in real life and I assumed it was ugliness coupled with lack of confidence. But you can't see confidence online. And I chose my best photos.

I am destined to be alone. The sooner I accept that fact, the better.
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Old 05-11-2013, 05:38 PM   #2
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YOU ARE NOT A LOSER! I had 3 perverts message me when I tried online dating and one almost stalked me...A full inbox does not equate to awesomeness!

I honestly, 100% believe that the sexiest thing is CONFIDENCE, nothing else! I really enjoy writing personal profiles and helping people sell themselves. If you'd like, you can PM me what you have up there and I can try to help you sell yourself. From the looks of your post here, I wonder if perhaps your amazing personality is struggling to shine through.

It is definitely an adjustment, as we lose weight. We have to navigate our looks and often think being thin will solve our problems. As Jillian Michael's says, weight gain is just a SYMPTOM of a deeper issue in ourselves. The weight you carried may be gone (congrats!) but there is still soul searching that needs to be done. Thin does not equal attractive...that is something that comes from YOU.

I am sending hugs and love your way and instead of accepting that you will be alone, accept the fact that weight loss won't solve all of your problems. Accept that you have eliminated one issue from your live, and can now work on loving yourself. One may be visible and the other may not, but together- they will show the world who you really are.
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Old 05-11-2013, 05:44 PM   #3
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There is someone out there for you. I had bad luck on dating sites, lots of shallow men on there. You may want to consider eharmony though, their questions are a lot more in depth and they actually match you through interests, it's not just look at pictures/profile. That being said, my husband met his ex on there, and she was crazy, but the match is only as honest as the person filling it out.

You are a great person. I know you've been going through a rough time right now based on your other posts. *hugs*
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Old 05-11-2013, 06:00 PM   #4
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I don't know if I'm allowed to post this website addy. Maybe the site you tried isn't the right one for you? Are you a Christian? What about the Christian Mingle site? In any case, don't give up. It's THEIR loss. You don't need the shallow likes of them. Just hang in there. Congrats on the great success for the weight you've lost. Stay with it...you're doing fantastic. http://www.christianmingle.com
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Old 05-11-2013, 07:31 PM   #5
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I agree with what the others have said. To me, there is something so shallow about choosing someone based mainly on a picture. Men are visual, though, so I suppose that sort of thing plays to their likes.

I agree with NorthernChick as well. Confidence is the most attractive accessory one can have. I know men who are not all that physically good looking, but because they're confident (not arrogant--confident: there's a difference), they are attractive. I believe the same goes for women. My husband always says he thinks women are really attractive when they wear form-fitting clothing even when they're overweight; he says it shows that they are confident with how they look, and that's sexy. So, I would say that the first issue to work on is building up your confidence. When you find yourself putting yourself down, talk back! Don't take it! I mean, would you sit by while someone bad-mouthed a friend as you're bad-mouthing yourself? Of course not! You would stand up to the bully, and that is what you should do when you get down on yourself. Counter those negatives with positive statements. IMHO, then and only then will you have a chance of finding someone who is worthy of you. Also, try to look at dating from another angle, i.e., are the men you encounter what you want. Don't be so focused on "will they like me?" Focus on "Will I like them?" Just that one mindset change makes a huge difference.
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Old 05-12-2013, 01:20 PM   #6
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Don't take it personally. match.com is known for it's slowness. It's a very low traffic site. Plus it's stupid because they are now making you pay to basically do everything but search on there. Dumb.

You could try the other higher traffic sites, but just know that you will be fielding off a bunch of losers (i.e., POF, okcupid).

I agree with eHarmony too, but that's probably going to be slow.

Don't assume it's you!!
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Old 05-12-2013, 01:52 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KittyKatFan View Post
So I posted my profile and some pics on match.com. I wasn't expecting 500 responses, but thought I would at least get some interest, even if it was just the perverts or losers who wanted to make fun of me.

What I got was worse: nothing. I had one guy from Mexico who supposedly liked my photo and one other guy who didn't even post a pic. And that's it.

Yesterday it said 44 people had seen my profile. And I got two responses. That's a 5% response rate..

I always suspected I was an unattractive loser. This experience just reinforces my beliefs. Even after losing 150+ lbs, I repulse the opposite sex. I feel so discouraged that I don't even want to post on eharmony or another site because it will mean more rejection.

I am used to being ignored in real life and I assumed it was ugliness coupled with lack of confidence. But you can't see confidence online. And I chose my best photos.

I am destined to be alone. The sooner I accept that fact, the better.
I do not agree. However, loneliness is the WORST feeling. My suggestion...get outside and LIVE. Just live your life, be happy. Do charity work, read books, catch a movie...be happy on your own. If you are meant to have a companion..you WILL. Online dating...is just a bunch of crap and DANGER for women. I would steer clear..but that is just me. I met the love of my life when I least expected it..and it was right AFTER I decided to stop hating myself. Be happy. Do not look in the mirror or take pictures...you see OUT of your eyes ... when others see you happy..they will want to know why and be attracted to your energy. Now...quit being sad and down on yourself and do something FUN. Even if it is just watching a funny movie. Laughter is the best medicine.

Last edited by franciejones : 05-12-2013 at 01:52 PM.
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Old 05-12-2013, 02:09 PM   #8
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Take Northernchick up on her offer to help with your profile! When I tried a dating sight, it didn't matter what the guy looked like if I didn't like what he had written (spelling, grammar, etc). Do you come off like you don't expect responses? Do you sound like you have a lot of baggage? Little things you write are very important. If you SOUND confident, like you have your **** together, that you are an independent woman, you will get a lot more guys contacting you. There IS someone out there for you. Be proud of who you are and all that you have accomplished (which is AMAZING!!!).
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Old 05-12-2013, 02:12 PM   #9
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And, I just went to check out the pictures you posted before (as I was sure I had seen some) and there is NO WAY a guy would not choose you because of your looks. You are a pretty woman AND you have an amazing smile. If you used any of the pics from your goal post, it has to be something else.
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Old 05-12-2013, 02:12 PM   #10
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I just want to send you a big HUG and say that just because there is a sad shortage of decent men in the world, that does NOT mean there is anything wrong with you. I imagine it takes time to find a match online, but I understand why you would be disappointed. I agree with franciejones, focus on you...focus on doing...focus on having fun. I'm sorry you are feeling this way, sending you love and positive thoughts!
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Old 05-12-2013, 02:23 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by asjb View Post
And, I just went to check out the pictures you posted before (as I was sure I had seen some) and there is NO WAY a guy would not choose you because of your looks. You are a pretty woman AND you have an amazing smile. If you used any of the pics from your goal post, it has to be something else.
Ok I got curious and looked at the pictures too. I agree, you are very pretty, those are good pics. I'm sure it's either the low traffic of the site.
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Old 05-12-2013, 05:10 PM   #12
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I just looked at your pics. OMG, you look wonderful! I especially like the pic where you are standing, wearing a white tee and jeans...a necklace and cool looking bracelet...and the one below that. There is nothing wrong with how you look! It's THEM, not you! GREAT smile! I am telling you the truth. You look good. Don't give up.
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Old 05-12-2013, 10:11 PM   #13
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Aww, y'all are making me feel better

It is just so hard to make yourself vulnerable and put your pics out there after years - decades - of not feeling good about how you look. And to get such a puddly amount of responses, it's hard not to revert to those old feelings of not being good enough. But I have to realize that this is a new process for me and takes time.

I will take everyone's advice to just live life. I have been trying to do that, even traveling all over the world on my own. And I get so little free time given my work schedule, and I'm so shy that it is hard to put myself out there.

And NorthernChick13, THANK YOU for the offer to help. I'm about to leave for a short business trip but will pm you when I return. I could use all the help I can get!
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Old 05-19-2013, 08:31 AM   #14
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KittyKat~I agree with getting out there, if you do what you enjoy you have a much better chance of meeting someone who enjoys the same things you enjoy. I met my DH at a AAA baseball game.

I love travelling to, went to alot of places on my own, or with friends and family, when you're out enjoying yourself and not putting pressure on yourself to find someone you will shine!

I just looked at your "close to goal pics" you look great, that must have been so cool to go to Easter Island! You have done an amazing job, be proud of yourself!! You're an inspiration. In fact I'm going to go take my dog for a walk in your honor!

best to you
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Last edited by kelijpa : 05-19-2013 at 08:35 AM.
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Old 05-20-2013, 06:26 PM   #15
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Default Looking for love....

If you are looking for love-- you need to look in the places that you have interest in. Do you like to read.. book store... are you christian... bible study... old movie buff... theater. You are a special and strong person to take charge of your life and make a change on the out side~~ now You need to reprogram the Negative image you have of yourself. Don't give someone your unhealthy vision of yourself...YOU HAVE CHANGED.

Take time to do the things you enjoy, pamper yourself... get out and experience new things-- community college class, reading group, volunteer at a library, hospital or church. Do somethings that are going to fill up "your LOVE Bucket" and give you positive feed back. You have to love yourself--before you can find someone to love the true you..... Good Luck!!
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