I've been basically soooo off-course that I'm frustrated. But I'm working on that. I've been struggling with a delima. Any advice is appreciated, because I just don't know any more!
Little background: I grew up with a cousin. She was the younger sister I never had. We grew up together, went our seperate ways as young adults & then reunited when her dad became terminally ill. I helped her through that time, little knowing she'd do the same for me a year later. We were nearly insperable for several years...about 10 of them.
Then things changed....
1. She got new friends. Friends who I believe are users
. I know that they are not nice at all. They always belittled me & ESPECIALLY
H. In my book, that is a deal breaker. She not only didn't help the situation, she actually became part of the belittling.
2. She wanted H to work for him. Promised him wages & gas money (we live nearly 30 miles away). That lasted all about 3 weeks. Pretty soon H was rebuilding fences all day for about $25, out which came gas money. Gas money that he had to use to run to the hardware store FOR THEM. So he actually only got paid maybe $5 IF that for a full day's hard work.
3. She'd BEG
us to come down for a visit. Any of the following, sometimes all of them would happen: She'd show up about 45 to 120 mins. late without a phone call. She'd have "unexpected visitors" show up. She'd spend all of her time either on her cell phone calling, texting or playing games. She'd have work planned that she didn't mention before-hand, when we were expecting to just visit, play games, watch movies, etc.
4. I'd call her, e-mail her & IM her. She'd never, ever
return my calls/messages. Yet she'd get upset if I didn't call her back in 24 hours of leaving a message for me. But yet when we'd visit she'd return numerous calls & messages. She'd spend at least 30 mins. doing just that.
5. If there was a party/get-together H & I were ALWAYS the ones to take care of the grilling (H is a heckova bar-b-quer!!), & making of side dishes. We'd be left at the grill or in the kitchen, not ever a part of the activities. This gets old really quick! To be at a party, but never be able to enjoy it.
Course I blame myself.
I should have put my foot down loooong ago!!! Winter of 2011....H had been down working at her place. On his way home, he struck a tree branch that fell right in front of the truck. He was lucky that all it did was rip out the sidewall of the tire, it really should have caused him to hit a tree!
My cousin said she'd help him. Well, one of her (user looser)
friends said not to worry about it, HE'D HELP H. H made arrangements with him to meet at 10AM. 10AM came & went, no "friend". H called & called, no answer. Finally he did get ahold of him at noon. He said he'd meet H in 30 mins. **Realize I'm a work, not knowing this is going on!!!** Again, NO SHOW!!
He finally shows up at 2:30PM!! He has been partying!! He is in no shape to drive, so he is having yet another friend (who H doesn't know) who is sober driving! (YEAH! He didn't show up because he was partying!!! )
Remember this is winter, it's cold & gets dark early. H finally gets the spare tire, jack & everything he needs to the truck at about 3:30PM. Neither one of them lifts a friggin' finger to get the tire on quickly or safely...H would have soooo helped them! They sit warm & comfy in the friend's car, not even holding a flashlight when it got dark As soon as the tire was on, THEY LEFT!!! They didn't make sure he made it safely into town!
As H was putting the flat tire, jack & everything else back in the truck a Sherriff's officer came by. HE CHECKED ON H's SAFETY! HE FOLLOWED H INTO TOWN! The friend of my cousin? He went back to partying!
This all being said...I haven't spoken to her in almost a year. Last spring, she left a really nasty message on my phone about how H wasn't doing his job. I called her back, left a calm but firm message letting her know that his tools would be picked up within a couple of days & she could find another "handyman".
We did just that! Got his tools, cleaned up anything we left behind, secured the shop & never returned. I haven't heard from her since that message.
Present day: I get an e-mail from her 4 days ago. She misses us! She doesn't understand what went wrong?!!! She wants things back the way they were. HUH???
I honestly don't think I can!
She & her friends belittled me & my hubby. She treated us like very lowly servants or worse. I want friends & family, but not ones who are toxic to our well-being!
In all honesty, I think she wants us back, so we can do work for her again!! Her mom is battling with some back injury that will require surgery. I feel for her (my aunt), but since H just had a pacemaker put in & is under a drs. care he CANNOT do heavy physical labor for quite some time. That leaves just me. I really feel like saying, "Sorry. I know what you are wanting. No can do. Your mom is NOT the only one with health issues." **I haven't told anyone but my mom that H has been in the hospital, has a pacemaker & all the rest. If they can't be there for me in the everyday, why bother them with it?** (she may know, but she hasn't let on that she does)
Am I wrong? I feel she burned her bridge with me when she allowed her friends to treat the 2 of us (to be blunt) like cr@p!!! And became just like them!! Again, my fault cause I let it slide instead of holding him & HER accountable, but I didn't want to create hard feelings. I'd never allow my friends or family to treat ANYONE I care about like she has allowed her friends to!! It's pathetic!!!