Thank you, Melissa. Your kind words mean a lot to me. I'm sorry you had to go through infertlity too; the clock ticks louder than thunder in my head...
I tried to plan for the "perfect" time in my life to have a baby and look where it got me ($ wise, house-wise, life-wise). So much for planning!
You are so right about the menopause and baby part of it. If I can have a baby and go home with him or her while I am starting menopause (my understanding is they'd do the hysterectomy at the time of birth), I'd be in heaven! Bring on the menopause! But I am afraid if I don't have the baby and have to just have the hysterectomy, I am going to be so empty inside.
I always took it for granted that I'd have a baby when I wanted to. And it's quite scary to take the risk of medicating myself for these 6 months to try and preserve my fertility but I made the commitment to myself to try and this way I hopefully can put any regrets behind me. I can't change my past and for that, I will always be sad. But God is good, I still have hope that I am healed and my next surgery will prove that.
People keep saying saving my life is most important part and that people do in fact die from my type of cancer but no one knows how it feels in my heart (not that I expect them to). My family and my inlaws and my doctors all said "get the hysterectomy, get the hysterectomy" but I just couldn't do it right away. (My doctor obviously was on board with trying to preserve my fertility but said February is it. Then we are playing with fire delaying anymore if the cancer doesn't show as "gone" with the meds.)
Sorry to go OT. It's just nice talking to ladies who know about menopause and infertility issues. None of my friends have gone through either and just don't understand. But I try to keep positive, my heart believes I can do anything I put my mind to. And losing this almost 100lbs is just an extra benefit for me, my body and hopefully my baby.
I can't imagine wanting a baby so much, so I can't sympathize with that plight. I was never hungry for a child/children, so I'll count my blessings in that regard, and especially after reading how you feel about it. I love them and I have some very adorable and amazing ones in my life, but they aren't mine, and I'm content with that arrangement.
But... "old woman"? What about, "life begins at 40"? Or "Age is just a number"? I, personally, don't feel like an old woman at 45 and going through menopause, far from it! I know I'm older than a 25 year old, but I don't feel like an "old woman" just because of menopause. I'm glad to be my age, I love it! Except for maybe a few cosmetic issues (which I could easily remedy for under $300), I wouldn't want to be 25, or even 35 again!
What a difference a mindset can make! ha! ha! Getting older is awesome!
Ooops...I didn't mean it the way I said it about old woman, I only meant it about me. I thought I was seeing my OB/GYN to have a baby (or 2 or 3!) in the next few years and will be in surgical menopause before the year is up regardless. (I have to have a total hysterectomy so ovaries and tubes are out and menopause will start before I leave the hospital.)
I apologize if I offended anyone, I would never ever do that.
p.s. I had a dream last night I had a beautiful baby boy about 9 months old in my arms. Talk about wishing for a dream to come true!
epressoWhip if you haven't gone through surgical menopause, and especially in your 30s as ElvisLover is facing, you are fortunate to be speaking from a position of no experience. It's not all about attitude. There are physical realities that you are fortunate not to know.
Last edited by newleaf123; 01-26-2013 at 10:59 AM.
Elvislover. No offense taken here. I hope are well and I hope your dreams come true!
Espresso whip, 40s are the new 30s. We are fortunate to have more fulfilled lives and more choices than other generations. It wasn't too long ago that the choice to not have children would have been frowned upon. Heck, it wasn't too long ago that you wouldn't be able to prevent a pregnancy.
Newleaf123 tell me about it. I have 7 uterine fibroids that make my uterus the size of a 4-month pregnancy. My doctor suggests a hysterectomy but I don't want to be flung into menopause, even at 46. Elvislover's emotions are understandable and age is not the only factor.
Last edited by ImImportant; 01-27-2013 at 09:08 AM.
When I went for my annual exam in December, my doctor told me I might not go through menopause for another decade! Ten more years of periods? I am 43 now. Yikes!
I don't see 40s being the new 30s, or new 20s, but I do look forward to menopause being a rebirth of my childhood. Don't you remember the days of being a little girl, before you had to worry about PMS and TOM? Of course, I didn't appreciate it at the time - but when those days come around again - you better believe I'm going to enjoy them like a young girl! I find that TOM inhibits and interferes with my life in ways that I just accept because I have to. For example, I try to time my vacations so that they don't occur during TOM, my family just went to a water park and I didn't even get into my bathing suit because TOM was in full force along with painful cramps, wedding anniversaries have been devoid of "romance" because of TOM was raging - the list goes on. I won't miss any of it! Men don't know how easy they have it in the hormone departments. Periods are like a sick joke.
I know there will come a day when our grand daughters or great grand daughters won't have to deal with periods - I am sure there will be a symptom free form of contraceptive (better than what is on the market now) that will eliminate periods altogether. That's probably when we will see true equality and women really soaring to their full potential, unencumbered by menstruation - much the way birth control allowed women more control over their lives and reproductive options.
Anyway, I look forward to being like a "girl" again, as long as I don't regress too far back to need diapers once more!
Guacamole. I know some people see the statement as age denial but 40 is the new 30 for me has less to do with actual age than milestones. Women are getting married later, having children (or not) later and reaching career milestones in their 40s that were typically seen in the 30s due to medical advances and more choice and opportunity.
I wouldn't mind going without the TOM but I guess I have had it better than some. I only experienced cramps a couple of times in my life and my TOM only lasts 3-4 days with day 2 being heaviest. In my early 20's I experienced hot flashes over a period of a couple of years. I could be in an air conditioned room and break out into a sweat. It was unpredictable and uncomfortable so I would like to delay that experience.
I know a couple of normal weight completely healthy women who throughout their lives never had TOM without the help of their doctors.
I think it depends upon the life you have led. I was old before my time. I met my husband at 19, got married at 23, and had 3 kids by 29 ( more kids came in my 30s). I remember working in an office of 30 something's in my 20s and they all seemed so much younger than me. They were single, spending their paycheck on themselves, footloose and fancy free.
I was bogged down in diapers and bills and running home after work to relieve the babysitter. I guess I have felt old for quite awhile, so 40 feels like 40 to me.
As far as hot flashes, I am sure I will complain in the moment, but it is but a hump to jump over to the other side. Once the change is complete, things settle down and you are in the clear. None of my grandmothers had hot flashes in their later years. It is temporary.
I've been on the roller coaster for about five years now, and fer as i'm concerned, I'm sick of the men-o-pause, and I cannot wait for men-o-stop! My 20s were painful, but that stopped after having children. Thank goodness! I'm really not having such a bad time of it. 5/6 days scrunched into 2/3 days has its advantages and disadvantages, but that is getting better as well. Like you Guac, I had my share of early responsibilities--nieces/nephews and much older parents and in-laws. Just one thing after another. I too an looking forward to "girly-ness" again, and also crotchety old age where I can speak my mind!
I decided to close this thread as it got so far away from my initial post about facing menopause. We all have different experiences and expectations w/r/t menopause. There is no right or wrong to how any individual experiences the changes that occur within their body.
